Are You Behaving Like a Couple?

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The Lifetime network is launching a new show that’s getting a lot of buzz.  It’s called 7 Days of Sex.  It features couples in relationships on the brink and challenges them to seven days of sex.  The premise is slightly more complicated than that, but generally speaking the assertion is, sex will save a marriage.  I believe sex is massively important in a marriage, for lots of reasons.  However, probably the most important reason is it’s something couples do.  In most cases it’s something that defines a couple.

Behaviors of all sorts define a couple, in healthy ways and not so healthy ways.  When I see a couple in trouble I often see them behaving in not so romantic ways that fall into three categories.

Business Partners:  This couple is running a corporation.  They manage assets.  They share property, sometimes including children.  They have their eyes on the bottom line.  This in itself isn’t a bad thing.  In fact it’s a great thing.  However, this couple long ago stopped seeing each other in a romantic way.  They are building a building a life based on numbers and projections and see each other, and their relationship as a means to an end.

Roommates:  These two share a home.  However, they have separate schedules, separate finances, separate groups of friends, and mostly separate lives.  Now, I’m all for having interests of your own, in fact I think it’s imperative to a healthy marriage.  However, being in relationship with someone whom you share very little of your life with, does not a marriage make.  These two might like each other alright, but you won’t hear them say the “L” word very often.  They pass each other as they are on their way to live their mostly separate lives.

Sparring Partners:  This one probably goes without much explanation.  We all know a couple like this.  They’re easy to spot, because they’re hard to be around.  They jab and poke at each other all the time.  It doesn’t mean anything between them.  It probably doesn’t even mean they aren’t getting along.  It’s just the way they relate.  They have each other to take out their hostilities on.  These two might have occasional passing moments of passion.  However, those moments too are about relieving stress and are few and far between.

Real healthy couples have certain behaviors also.  They enjoy each others company, so they spend time together.  They hold hands and touch.  They speak kindly to one another.  They go on dates.  They are intimate in lots of ways, and yes, they have sex.   You recognize these two when you see them, because they look and act like romantic partners.  These behaviors aren’t limited to “new” couples.  These behaviors are indicators of satisfaction in a long term relationship.

Do I think 7 Days of Sex can save a marriage?  I’d really like to say yes, but I can’t.  I think it’s more complicated than that.  However, if you’re relationship has gone flat, I think sex is one behavior that can have a massive impact, especially if it’s a part of a lot of other types of behaviors that couples share.
Bottom line, if you want to be in a happy romantic relationship, romance and relationship have to be the priority.  Romance that lasts a lifetime doesn’t happen on accident.

Lisa Hayes is an LOA Relationship Coach and Author of How to Escape from Relationship Hell and the Passion Plan.  She is also co-founder of Good Vibe Coaching Academy, specializing in LOA Coach training.