An Open Letter to Men About Romance


Dear Men,

I’m going to give you a quick peek inside the mind of a woman, and not too surprisingly you might find it’s different in there than it is inside yours.

When I ask a man what he thinks intimacy is, nine times out of ten, he says sex.

When I ask a woman what she thinks intimacy is, nine times out of ten she says romance.

Now, you might roll your eyes when you read that. You might roll your eyes at the notion of romance altogether. However, if you do, simply put you’re an idiot. Failing to utilize the real power of romance in a relationship is the grown up relationship equivalent of driving an eight-cylinder sports car like a Geo Metro.

Most men think romance is basically a loss leader. They won’t cop to it, but somewhere inside, most men believe that romancing a woman is the way you lure her into your clutches and your bed. It’s the way you secure her into a relationship. The truth of the matter is, you might actually enjoy the romance phase of the early days of a relationship.

However, even if you dig it, it’s an investment. It requires you to extend yourself. It requires you to show up showered, and spend some money, to be polite, and thoughtful, and you’re willing to do it because it’s a means to an end. And your right. Romancing a woman works. That’s a proven fact. If there’s a spark of chemistry between you romance will go a long way to sealing the deal.

To a woman, romance isn’t a part of the negotiation. It’s an element of intimacy she craves. She’s wired that way. It’s not superfluous to her. It’s vital. In your heart of hearts you know it, and pretending like you don’t will lead to dire consequences.

So, here’s the thing you really need to know, and it’s important.

To a woman, romance feels like appreciation.

Romance means you appreciate her beauty and her light.

Romance means you appreciate everything she does and contributes.

Romance means you see her.

A woman who doesn’t get romance from her man feels unappreciated and taken for granted. A woman who feels unappreciated and taken for granted is much more likely to be a bitch, or at least seem that way to you.

If you care about the woman you’re with it’s your duty to make sure she knows you see her.

You are much more likely to love being with the woman in your life if you never stop romancing her.

Yes, it takes effort, but that effort pays the kind of dividends that can’t be measured.

She will shine in the light of the energy you give her.

She will be less likely to notice all your many flaws.

She will show up for you when it’s hard and messy.

And yes, you will most likely get more sex.

I don’t know what romance means to your woman. Don’t assume you do either.

Chances are it’s not the grand gestures, but it’s the little things she craves.

It’s rarely a big ticket dollar deal.

Buying flowers go a long way, but sometimes romance is a walk with the dogs or a movie she loves after the kids go to bed.

Ask her how to romance her and then surprise her over, and over, and over again.

If you do, you’ll be glad you did.

If you don’t, you’ll be sorry you didn’t.


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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

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