Are You Really Headed in the Direction You Want to Go?


*Client stories are shared with permission and names have been changed.

Sarah's marriage was in serious trouble. I wouldn't say it was on the brink of imminent divorce for sure. However, the foundation of what they'd built over their seven-year marriage was cracked and shaking in a big way.

She caught her husband online. He wasn't talking to another woman. He was looking for another place to live, without her. He said he needed a break. She had no idea why and neither did he.

The first thing she told me when we talked was, "I do not want to be a single mother. I can't go there in my mind. I don't want to end up divorced."

Jen and her husband had been married for almost ten years when things started falling apart. There had been a near-miss almost affair, and the distance between them felt like the Grand Canyon.

They weren't fighting. That would have been better. It was simply ice cold all the time. It didn't take a rocket scientist to predict where they were headed if something didn't change. They both knew it.

The first thing Jen said to me when we talked was, "I want to feel in love again. I want a marriage that works. I want to feel engaged and alive in my relationship."

Both of those women wanted basically the same thing. However, the orientation of their desires were very different. Both of them were dealing with potentially marriage-ending issues. One of those relationships was way easier to get back on track. I'm guessing you can figure out which one.

Sarah was focused squarely on what she didn't want. Jen was focused intently on what she did want. Focus predicts a lot of things. However, more than anything else it predicts an outcome.

Nothing irritates me more than the notion that you have to say your affirmations just right or ask the universe for things in a certain way to get what you want. I don't think the field of infinite possibility is that fussy. It's not the words that make the magic. It's the energy that counts.

However, it's easy to fool yourself about the energy you're offering. The orientation of your desire makes all the difference in the world. Words count because if you listen to yourself talk internally and out loud, you will start hearing patterns that indicate where your energy is.

It doesn't matter how badly you want something. If you're focused on the absence of it or the fear of not having it, you're making your life a lot harder than it needs to be.

I've been on the wrong side of this coin with more than one topic. Money is a good example. There was a time in my life when all I wanted was more money. In fact, it wasn't a want as much as it was a red hot need. It was an intense desire for more money, and it felt like survival.

Every time I thought about money I was thinking about money problems or the money I didn't have. As much as I wanted more money, I always thought about money with a negative orientation. I can assure you, that did not work the way I wanted it to. The system worked perfectly. I kept creating, not enough money. I just wasn't working the system correctly.

I've also been on the wrong side of desire orientation with dating. I spent years not wanting to be single. I didn't want to be alone. I was afraid of growing old alone. It wasn't until I decided to rock single life and get focused on attracting high-quality relationships that I met the love of my life.

It's Deliberate Creation 101. Focus on what you want excluding what you don't want from your attention. However, it's easier said than done if you're not paying attention. The good news is, you are always in charge of picking your thoughts.

Choosing quality thoughts intentionally, especially on the subject of something you want, is the key to getting from where you are to where you want to go with ease and flow. So, get out on the leading edge and choose your thoughts wisely. A wise woman can predict the future because she creates it.

Copy of How to Dramatically Increase Your Chances of Getting What You Want

The orientation of your desire predicts your outcome and you can control it.


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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

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