Tonya and Scott had been dating for about six months when he pulled the plug without warning. He gave very little in the way of explanation. Scott looked at her over dinner and told her he felt like he wasn't sure about how he felt about her and thought they needed to take a break. Tonya didn't need a decoder ring to know what that meant. Take a break meant to break it off.
For the first few days, she tried to hide in denial. Even though she knew better, she hoped things would get back to normal in a couple of weeks. However, she texted Scott a couple of times and didn't hear a word back. So, she did the thing every girl knows not to do. She got on Facebook and pulled up his profile. Scott hadn't blocked her, but she instantly wished he had.
Apparently, Scott had moved on. The cute blond he'd been hiking with looked like she was having a splendid time in all the many photos he'd shared.
Heartbroken, Tonya called her crew, and they planned an evening to get together. She needed her girls, and they rallied around her like only best girlfriends can.
Tonya's friends liked Scott. Even more so, they liked the idea of Tonya and Scott as a couple. When they got together, Tonya told the story of her breakup. And like clockwork, the "encouragement" began. They told Tonya exactly what she wanted to hear. They were afraid to tell her what she needed to hear to heal. Her relationship was over. They gave her a lot of reasons to have hope.
These are a list of the lies we tell ourselves and each other about breakups:
1. He loves you. He's just got too much going on with his work right now. He's distracted with his career.
If a man is into you, he will make time.
If he's into you and can't make time, that's saying something about his priorities, and no matter how much he digs you, aren't the priority. You don't want to be second, or fourth on the list of a man you love.
2. He's overwhelmed with his feelings for you.
Men don't overwhelm that easily.
However, if that's true, that man is either emotionally damaged or has the emotional maturity of a tired toddler. You don't want to be in a relationship with that guy anyway.
3. He is intimidated by you because he's never dated a woman who has her act together they way you do.
That's highly unlikely. Men like women who can hold their own in their lives.
However, even if that were true, a man who's intimidated by a woman is likely to be very insecure. He may end up clingy or possessive. You don't need or want that in your life.
4. He loves you but he's afraid of commitment.
Men will often tell women they aren't looking for commitment and women are still shocked when they act on that. Truth, of the matter, is a man who doesn't want a commitment may just not want to commit to you.
You do not want to rehab or wait around for a man who doesn't want to commit. The fact that you think he's a commitment-phobic man should be enough for you to run for the hills.
5. He's just confused. He doesn't know what he wants.
Men generally know exactly what they want. It's not that complicated for them. They aren't prone to over-think things.
If a man doesn't know what he wants that generally means he wishes he wants something he knows he doesn't. You do not want to be waiting around for a man to choose you think is best for him, even if that thing is you.
Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.
Posted on 02/17/2017 at 01:58:00 PM