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Choose Your Own Thoughts

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As I am sitting down to write my weekly post, and find my fingers about to hit the keys, I realize I am about to write yet another piece about self-esteem. It’s redundant. About every third post I’ve written as of late has been directly, or indirectly about that topic. And yet, although it’s redundant, it’s still relevant, because about every third woman I talk to is challenged by self-esteem issues. That might be a generous evaluation. It’s probably almost every woman.

I fundamentally believe what you get in life is directly proportionate to what you believe you’re worth. So, these issues are a very big deal, and it’s not like you master it once and have it all handled forever. Self-determination is a lesson in motion. You’re never done. “They” won’t let you be.

There are literally hundreds of studies out there about how many advertising images the average american sees every day. Those numbers vary widely. In researching for this post I saw numbers ranging from 247 to 30,000. The reasonable number most experts agree on is somewhere between 3000 to 5000. The numbers are similar for people living in Australia and the UK. The vast majority of those messaged images are specifically directed at women.

Now a lot of people will say they don’t consume enough TV or media of other types to be exposed to that many messages, and they may be right. However, unless you’re living on a mountain top, you’re getting a lot more of it than you think.

It’s impossible to avoid.

Advertisers will have you believe most of what you see doesn’t register with your fragile brain, and in part, they might also be right. The conscious mind can’t process that much information. However, the subconscious mind can and does soak almost all of it up. Advertisers specialize in imagery that is particularly attractive to the subconscious. It causes you to buy stuff without really knowing why or to be brand loyal for no particular reason. They are good at what they do.
The weight loss industry is a 66 billion dollar a year industry in the US alone. Americans spent 44 billion dollars on cosmetics last year. Those industries have mastered the art of promoting an unrealistic ideal standard of “normal” and “beauty” while at the same time making you feel like you don’t make the cut. The problem is, it works.

It’s naive to think you aren’t being influenced beyond your top of the mind perception when it comes to your self-esteem and your buying decisions. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say you’re being brainwashed. Just think about it. On the low end of the scale, you’re being exposed to 3000 images a day that are specifically geared towards women and engineered to appeal to your subconscious. The aim is to make you a walking ATM. They bank on you feeling like you need fixing. Their profit numbers show the game is spot on.

Brainwashing is sort of a loose term. It basically means you’re being programmed to do things that your conscious mind isn’t actively engaged in influencing. The thing about it is, your brain was designed for that kind of programming. It helps you make decisions in a flash on a myriad of issues you don’t have time to contemplate every time. It also helps you understand a lot of things going on around you without having to figure each one of them out. However, the system was intended to be programmed by you, not by someone else with an agenda and a billion dollar budget.

I hear people say it all the time. I don’t like affirmations. However, let me tell you this, repetitive messaging works. Billion dollar industries are built on that truth. But then you might ask yourself the next obvious question. How can you possibly compete with the volume of messages being flung at you from advertisers? I’m going to let you in a hypnotherapists secret right now. Let’s keep this one just between us.

The person who’s voice has the second most influence on your mind is your mother’s or mother equivalent. It doesn’t matter if you like her or not. Her voice has some power when it comes to your subconscious.

If you are lucky enough to work with me and get on my couch, in person, for hypnotherapy, over time, my voice will have the third most influence in your head. I’m good at my job.

However, the voice with the most weight in terms of influencing your subconscious, that place inside your mind that determines most of your behavior and how you feel about yourself, that voice is yours and yours alone.
Nowhere on that list was an advertiser. They might be consistent and persistent, but they aren’t quite that powerful. Not nearly as powerful as you are. So, isn’t it time you take control over what you think?

I would love to do a study on this someday. I’m surprised it hasn’t been done. My guess is that if you told yourself 100 times a day, “I am beautiful just the way I am and nothing has to change for me to love myself completely”, your spending habits would change. Don’t you think? I know for sure your relationship with yourself would change and the way you show up in your world would shift dramatically.

Doing something like that 100 times a day is tedious. It’s obnoxious at first. It can feel like a lie. But it doesn’t matter. Someone out there is telling you about 1000 times a day you aren’t good enough, and that’s a lie too, so you get to pick your messages. You really do. You have a duty to decide what’s getting dominant air time in your thoughts. It should be you. It should be affirming. For efficacy sake, it should be repetitive. For hell’s sake, think thoughts that are true, and if they don’t feel good, chances are they aren’t.

It really comes down to being willing to take on the responsibility of advertising to yourself.

You are far too powerful to be anything less than radiant in the world. Your power is your thoughts and your focus and you’re in charge of that. A lot of other people will knock on your door, to get inside your head, but you get to decide who you let in, and they way you do that is by thinking your own thoughts. YOU HAVE TO THINK YOUR OWN THOUGHTS. If you don’t it’ll get done for you.


You really are beautiful. It’s your job to tell yourself that until you believe it, and you might not at first, but keep at it, until it sticks.

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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

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