For the next few Fridays, I am going to do a series about what to do this weekend to make your relationship better. This series is intended to inspire you to notice and nurture your relationship in healthy and positive ways, rather than only responding when you’re in crisis. Small changes can make a big difference, and there’s no time like this weekend to give your love life, a little extra love.
I’ve talked to literally hundreds of couples asking the same question. “How do we get that spark, that was so strong in the beginning back?” The answer to that question usually comes in two parts. Part number one, we covered last week. You have to spend more time together, being a couple, much like you did in the beginning of your relationship. Part number two might seem a little counter-intuitive, however, it’s just as important.
When two people meet, they come together with a strong sense of themselves. Each of them brings things to the relationship from their own lives. That creates a sense of excitement and interest. Over time, as two people blend their lives, they do less and less apart. Individuality diminishes as a couple identity emerges, and that’s not entirely bad. In fact, it’s natural. However, it doesn’t take long for the person you fell in love with to disappear, and for the person that you were, when you fell in love to go MIA.
Of course, you spend time apart. Most couples spend more time apart than they do together, it’s the nature of life. We have jobs and other responsibilities that keep us out of each other’s hair for several hours during the day. That said, most people who have been in a part of a couple for any length of time, stop doing the kinds of things they did for themselves when they were single. Their hobbies change. The amount of time they spend with friends changes. Their interests fall to the wayside in favor of more couple oriented pursuits and household duties.
It’s hard to make time to do something for yourself, by yourself. I get it. I’ve been there. In fact, I am there.
It’s important though. That lack of “spark” could be otherwise interpreted as boredom. If your life is boring, routine, and always the same, the relationship is going to go stale pretty quick. You have to have something to bring to the table that comes from outside the relationship if it’s going to stay interesting. Work and kids alone are not enough.
Relationships require energy from outside themselves to thrive. A relationship can only sustain itself without that for so long before it starts feeding on itself to survive.
Your mission for this weekend, if you choose to accept it, is to spend some time apart, focused on YOU and something you are really lit up by. Washing the car does not count. Going to an art gallery or craft show might. Going to coffee with your friends might. Going on a nature walk, camera in hand might. Your mission is to reacquaint yourself with you. Take some time to rediscover the woman he fell in love with in the first place. Then, make a point to do it regularly.
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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.
Posted on 02/10/2017 at 03:00:00 PM