How to Tell When a Man Really Cares About You


Dear Lisa,

What I really want to know is how to tell if a man really cares about you. You’d think by this point in my life I’d have figured that one out, but it’s pretty clear, I’m not clear at all.

I’m 38 years old and have never been married. I’ve had three or four serious relationships and was even engaged once, but I called it off. When it came right down to it I had to admit I didn’t think I was in love. In fact, up until last summer I’m not sure if I ever had been. Then last June I met Paul and I knew almost right away I was feeling what had been missing in every relationship before.

I’ve never met anyone who makes me feel the way he does. We hit it off right away and he told me on our third date he felt like he was falling in love with me. In some ways, I’ve never been happier. In others, I’ve never been more miserable.

Paul travels a lot for work. In the last couple of months, I’ve had some cause to think he might be seeing other women when he’s out of town. Well, maybe I have reason to think that, I’m honestly not sure. I sort of feel like I’m paranoid. Although he tells me all the time he loves me, I’m seeing him less and less. He missed my birthday and Valentine’s day. I think he was in town for both.

A couple of weeks ago I jokingly brought up the possibility of moving in with him when my lease was up and I swear he acted like he didn’t even hear me. Maybe he didn’t. All I know is I’ve never been more in love, but I feel like he’s slowly pulling away and I don’t know what to do about it.
Please help.


Dear Kara,

That’s a lot going on here. However, a couple of things caught my attention. First and foremost was your statement, “I’ve never met anyone who makes me feel the way he does.”. That my friend is a slippery slope you’ve got yourself on. No one, other than you, is responsible for making you feel anything. Giving away that much power is dangerous. Paul cannot be the source of your happiness. He simply can’t. He really isn’t capable of filling you up emotionally. That’s on you and you aren’t doing it.

Secondly, the single most important barometer of a healthy relationship is whether or not you like the person you become in it. Your assessment that you might be paranoid is a pretty good indication you aren’t in a place where you trust him or more importantly trust yourself.

I don’t know if Paul is seeing other women. I don’t know if or why he’s pulling away. I do know you aren’t happy in this relationship anymore. I also know that love isn’t a feeling, it’s a behavior. It’s pretty clear he isn’t behaving in a loving way, at least not consistently. Missing your birthday says way more than him telling you he loves you.

If you're wondering if a man really cares about you chances are pretty high something isn't right. A man who really cares will show you. He won't leave you guessing.

The good news is you already do know how to tell if a guy cares about you. You know this guy doesn’t care enough. You already know it in your heart. Do not walk away from this. Run. Run from any relationship that makes you question your sanity. Run from any guy that doesn’t acknowledge your birthday or anyone you even think might be seeing other women. I don’t care if he loves you or not. You have to love yourself more than that. It’s time for you to be the one pulling away.

Big hugs,

*This reader letter was shared with permission and names have been changed.


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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

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