Blog Post

How to Tell When a Man Really Cares about You

theomzone • Oct 10, 2017

What he says or doesn't say doesn't count for crap.

Dear Lisa,


What I really want to know is how to tell if a man really cares about you. You’d think by this point in my life I’d have figured that one out, but it’s pretty clear, I’m not clear at all.


I’m 38 years old and have never been married. I’ve had three or four serious relationships and was even engaged once, but I called it off. When it came right down to it I had to admit I didn’t think I was in love. In fact, up until last summer I’m not sure if I ever had been. Then last June I met Paul and I knew almost right away I was feeling what had been missing in every relationship before.


I’ve never met anyone who makes me feel the way he does. We hit it off right away and he told me on our third date he felt like he was falling in love with me. In some ways, I’ve never been happier. In others, I’ve never been more miserable.


Paul travels a lot for work. In the last couple of months, I’ve had some cause to think he might be seeing other women when he’s out of town. Well, maybe I have reason to think that, I’m honestly not sure. I sort of feel like I’m paranoid. Although he tells me all the time he loves me, I’m seeing him less and less. He missed my birthday and Valentine’s day. I think he was in town for both.


A couple of weeks ago I jokingly brought up the possibility of moving in with him when my lease was up and I swear he acted like he didn’t even hear me. Maybe he didn’t. All I know is I’ve never been more in love, but I feel like he’s slowly pulling away and I don’t know what to do about it.
Please help.


Kara,
_____________________________________________________


Dear Kara,


That’s a lot going on here. However, a couple of things caught my attention. First and foremost was your statement, “I’ve never met anyone who makes me feel the way he does.”. That my friend is a slippery slope you’ve got yourself on. No one, other than you, is responsible for making you feel anything. Giving away that much power is dangerous. Paul cannot be the source of your happiness. He simply can’t. He really isn’t capable of filling you up emotionally. That’s on you and you aren’t doing it.


Secondly, the single most important barometer of a healthy relationship is whether or not you like the person you become in it. Your assessment that you might be paranoid is a pretty good indication you aren’t in a place where you trust him or more importantly trust yourself.

I don’t know if Paul is seeing other women. I don’t know if or why he’s pulling away. I do know you aren’t happy in this relationship anymore. I also know that love isn’t a feeling, it’s a behavior. It’s pretty clear he isn’t behaving in a loving way, at least not consistently. Missing your birthday says way more than him telling you he loves you.

If you're wondering if a man really cares about you chances are pretty high something isn't right. A man who really cares will show you. He won't leave you guessing.


The good news is you already do know how to tell if a guy cares about you. You know this guy doesn’t care enough. You already know it in your heart. Do not walk away from this. Run. Run from any relationship that makes you question your sanity. Run from any guy that doesn’t acknowledge your birthday or anyone you even think might be seeing other women. I don’t care if he loves you or not. You have to love yourself more than that. It’s time for you to be the one pulling away.

Big hugs,
Lisa

*This reader letter was shared with permission and names have been changed.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Sharing Is Sexy. If You Liked This Article, Share, Comment, Or Pass It On.

Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

09 Mar, 2024
Every ordinary day has the potential to be the last day with someone - or just the last day
25 Jan, 2024
Rumination, while it feels like important thinking,  is a complete waste of time.
18 Jan, 2024
Loving your body is a subversive act of rebellion against oppressive systems. 
04 Jan, 2024
The life of little tweaks is where you tell yourself you're doing the work when you're really embracing procrastination and mediocrity
05 Oct, 2023
Male attention has less than zero value
20 Jul, 2023
What is your real time and money investment in you?
29 Jun, 2023
 It is THE JOURNEY of being human.
23 Jun, 2023
Failure as art is brilliantly beautiful.
16 Jun, 2023
Yeah, I said it, and I am going to say more...
16 Mar, 2023
Deconstruct yourself. Take yourself apart piece by piece. Examine every severed bit. Look at yourself closely in all of your fractured parts, each precious but some outdated or obsolete. Be willing to burn the pieces you do not need so you can warm yourself by the fire of your absolute presence. Deconstruct your identities. Take your identities apart role by role. Examine every severed part of your identity and ask yourself the hard questions about who you want to be vs. who you think you are. Lay down your titles and all your names. Be willing to see yourself naked. Find ways to love who you are without all of your identities, raw, exposed, and real. Deconstruct the systems of oppression that live through you. Pick apart every severed pieces of your socialization, your politicization, and your economic stratification. Examine all the ways you revel in your separateness through baneful individualism, judgment, or labeling. Be brave because this road can be dark. Stop paying for status. Stop hiding behind groups of like-minded people to shield yourself from your humanness and the messiness of other humans. Deconstruct your smallness. Deconstruct your grandiosity. Deconstruct your attraction to status. Deconstruct your addiction to fear. Deconstruct your pain. Tear yourself apart and quilt yourself back together as art. And then stand in the primordial goo of your glorious understanding of your nothingness and the totality of your everything-ness and experience yourself as more potent, more powerful, and more you than you ever have before. Sharing is sexy. If you liked this article, share, comment, or pass it on. Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the hit books, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan. Lisa also trains the worlds best coaches at www.thecoachingguild.com.
More Posts
Share by: