Monday Mailbag – But He Loves Me


Dear Lisa,

My boyfriend is a great guy. I’ve known him for years and we’ve been dating for almost two years. The thing is a lot of my friends and family don’t approve. I am beginning to feel isolated from other people in my life because he’s not included.

He is a police officer. So, as you can imagine his job is very high stress. Sometimes it looks to other people like he’s being rude to me. He snaps a little every once in awhile. But he really loves me. I know he does and I understand why he acts the way he does. How can I help my friends and family to understand that too?

I really think if they knew the man I do they would love him too.



Dear Kelsey,

You just said four words that always make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. “but he loves me.” those four words are almost always said when a woman is trying to justify being treated in a manner that shouldn’t be excused. You should never stay with a man you have to make excuses for.

I might guess that if he’s “snapping” at you in public, he’s worse in private. However, even if that’s not true, the people in your life are seeing something that alarms them and you should be alarmed too. If one person doesn’t hit it off with your significant other that might be a personality clash. When no one in your life approves that’s something else.

Girlfriend, I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to think you love a man that no one understands. Hindsight is 20/20 on this one. What I know now is this. It wasn’t just that my loved ones didn’t like him. They also didn’t like who I was becoming being with him. They just didn’t have the words to say that to me. You may love this man but you deserve to be treated better.

I’m not saying you have to break up with him. However, you do need to get some help alone or as a couple to make sure you aren’t operating with some serious blind spots on this issue. You owe it to yourself and the people who love you who are seeing something here you aren’t.

Wishing you all the love you deserve,

*This reader letter has been shared with permission and names have been changed.


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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

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