Pattern of Being Unhappy in Relationship?


By: lisa hayes
A lot of clients come to me because no matter what they do they still find themselves unhappy in relationship. They put a lot of energy in to trying to make things better by working things or attracting different kinds of partners, but in the end, it always feels the same. Disappointing.
I recently had a conversation with a male client who said something I thought was very profound. He said:

“I can tell within minutes of meeting a woman what what she thinks about herself. If a woman doesn’t take care of herself, if she doesn’t treat herself well, she can’t hide it. I’m not talking about how she looks. I’m talking about how she is. If a woman doesn’t value herself, it will complicate things in every relationship she has, and I don’t want anything to do with that.”

And there it is, in a nutshell.

I often say you will get exactly what you settle for, nothing more, nothing less. The truth here is that if you don’t value yourself, you will settle for far less than you might think, or say you deserve, because you will settle.

It’s also true, that no amount of makeup can hide what’s inside. The clothes don’t make the woman. Neither do the jobs or cars or fun friends. When a woman doesn’t know her true value, when she can’t own who she is, a great man won’t be in a relationship with her.

Someone asked me the other day, why people get relationship coaching after a breakup. He basically thought breakups are something everyone goes through, kind of like a rite of passage, and most people get through it fine. This is true.


However, when a breakup or anything else for that matter damages a person’s sense of self, changes the way they see their value, for the worse, that person isn’t safe in the world. They pose a danger to themselves, and to others. Smart money knows investing in healing a break up is worth the investment one thousand times over.

If a woman doesn’t value herself, it will complicate things in every relationship she has.

Here is no escaping that. However, from the inside looking out it can be tricky to spot. I’ve been there myself. I’ve told myself I had a very strong sense of self worth, while at the same time busting through one freakshow relationship after another. The evidence of my internal perception of my worth was obvious. No matter what I said, or how it looked on the outside, the truth of what was going on inside was evident.

If you aren’t getting the relationship results you want, the first and only place to look is inside. If it’s less than you want it to be the reason is simple. You are settling for something less than you want. The real question is why?
Finding that answer will set you free.

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