People Aren’t Projects


My mother always says, “Don’t marry potential.

Mama’s always right.

They say hindsight is 20/20. However, I tend to believe the we see things pretty clearly in the beginning of a relationship. It’s easier to be clear in the beginning. You haven’t invested a lot of time or energy which naturally changes your perspective. It’s not that we don’t see the signs. The problem isn’t vision. We ignore the signs.

Both women and men do it. They pick projects, not people. The thing about a project is you have purpose. The person you’re fixing needs you. It feels good to be needed. It feels good to be superior. However, no matter how good it feels in the beginning, choosing someone you have to fix up isn’t likely to feel good for long.

When you are trying to change anything about a person, it basically means you aren’t accepting them. It’s virtually impossible to feel fully loved when you aren’t fully accepted. When someone is trying to improve you, even with the best of intentions, you feel judged as not being good enough as you are.

The greatest gift you can give someone is to love them the way they are.


If you’re looking at someone you’ve started a relationship with and you can’t fully accept them the way they are right now, you should probably get out. It’s not a bad thing. It’s the truth. Ignoring something you want to change isn’t a loving act, because wanting to change someone is exactly the opposite of being loving.

To love is to be happy with.

Anything less than that is less than you really deserve.


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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

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