Sex On a First Date


It’s a question that pops up in conversations and in my inbox fairly frequently.

“What does sex on the first date mean?”

The answer is simple. Sex on a first date means nothing and if you can live with that than rock on with your bad self and that in itself is the problem for a lot of women. Don’t delude yourself into thinking otherwise. Don’t talk yourself into thinking it was spontaneous, but romantic because you really had a connection. Sex on the first date means nothing and for a woman, that’s hard to stomach. For most women, it was THE date. For a man it was the first date.

Now a bunch of studies have been done on whether or not a man will or will not go out again with a woman who sleeps with him on the first date. The numbers on those studies are all over the place. Best case one study reported that 69% of men said they wouldn’t judge a woman who slept with them on the first date. Worst case in another study said 82% of men said they wouldn’t ask her out again. I get it. It’s not fair. It’s a double standard. But it’s a thing.

I will fully admit I know some people who got it on, on the first date and lived happily ever after. However, I can’t count the number of women I’ve talked to who didn’t get the callback and felt bad about themselves after doing the deed too soon.

No matter what the studies say, most of us have a sneaking feeling it’s not a good idea if you want a second date.

However, if the guy you’re sitting across the table from is super hot with a rockin’ body that’s so dumb you can’t imagine ever wanting to talk to him again, but wouldn’t mind ravaging his body, then why not?

Here’s why not:

You don’t know his sexual history.

You don’t know if he likes to kick puppies.

You don’t know how many of his former girlfriends have filed anti-harassment orders against him.

You don’t know if he posts all his conquests on his Facebook wall or sends pics to friends.

You don’t know if he has a wife or girlfriend at home.

You do not know this man.

What you don’t know might make that super hot guy less attractive when you do the math on the risks and the risks are higher than you might think.

This isn’t about judgement. It’s not about right or wrong. It’s not even about consequences. It’s about how you’re going to feel about yourself the morning after knowing he might not call again. It’s about whether you feel like you sacrificed or not.

Before you sleep with a man on the first date the question you need to ask yourself is this:

“Will I feel good about what happened here if I never hear from him again?”

If the answer is no, then don’t go there.


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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

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