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Should I Stay or Should I Go?

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When I was too young, I got married for the first time. For the record, even though that marriage died a slow, miserable death, and ended badly, I don’t regret doing it. I also don’t regret getting divorced.

What I do regret was staying in that marriage longer than I should have. For almost two years I was suspicious my marriage was over, but I stayed. I did it partially because I wanted my son to have as much time with his father as possible. I did it partially because I was scared shitless and frozen in my indecision. That two years cost me a lot. It cost me most of my sense of self-worth.

There is no one way to know when it’s time to end a marriage. There are a lot of questions. Some of those questions are more useful than others. Below are some of the most important questions anyone should ask when they’re trying to make one of the most important decisions they will ever make.

1. If you won five million dollars in the lottery tomorrow would you stay in your marriage?

2. Have you done everything in your power, short of morphing who you are or expecting your partner be someone they aren’t, to save your marriage?

3. Are you at emotional, physical, or financial risk is you choose to stay in the marriage?

4. If you’re gut honest, have things happened between the two of you that you have not, cannot, or should not forgive?

5. Are you staying because you’re afraid of being alone or think you can’t do better?

6. Are you staying because you think you can’t manage financially?

7. Are you willing to lower your standard of living, temporarily or permanently, to leave your marriage?

8. Are you the best version of yourself in your marriage?

9. Are you modelling what a healthy relationship looks like to your children? Are you in a relationship you’d want them to have?

10. Does your partner frequently make promises to change, but changes don’t last or just don’t happen?

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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

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