noun formal technical

1. a period of evolutional suspension or that cannot be maintained indefinitely

I didn’t feel like I had any choice when my life was changing. I felt like I was being railroaded down the tracks to decisions I didn’t want to make. I didn’t want to be a victim, or at least I told myself that. However, I didn’t want to advocate for myself either.

I didn’t want my marriage to end. Not because I loved him, or even because I loved my life. Our life wasn’t that fabulous.

I wasn’t a kept woman. We didn’t have a beautiful home in the burbs. We lived in an apartment where we couldn’t have pets, and all I really wanted for Christmas was a puppy. I was driving a car that was constantly in need of repair. I was budgeting our very few dollars around trying to make him think he was happy and around his drinking problem.

I didn’t want my marriage exactly. All I knew was I didn’t want to be a single mother. Not because I didn’t think I could do it, but because I’d been trained to think that was the worst fate family could suffer. I didn’t understand family. I also didn’t understand respect or self-respect.

I didn’t understand a lot of things. All I knew was my deepest desire was gutting me. The only thing I wanted was to save a marriage that was poison.

Life has a way of kicking you out of spaces you don’t fit in anymore. Life also has a way of squeezing you out of spaces where you’ve quit growing. Life is like that. It’s grow or die. That’s the natural order of living.

When things are happening to you, and you don’t like it, chances are pretty high it’s because you put things in neutral and hoped you could stay under your own radar.

Basically, you get a choice. When things aren’t working, when we’ve grown out the space we’re in, when change is on the horizon or the very next exit, either you do the change, or the change will do you. The latter of those two options usually sucks more. Choosing your change is always a better option.

It’s simple. Really.
Does this make me happy?
If the answer is no, and you’re clinging on to it anyway, you’re on the road to the kind of change you won’t get to choose because change is coming. You get to be the architect of your unfolding, or not.

One day it just clicks, and you realize you are the cause of your own suffering. That is the day you quit waiting for liberation and become the liberation you’ve been looking for.

For the record, that divorce…
best thing that ever happened to me.


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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

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