I recently had a client tell me looking for Mr. Right felt like a full-time job. I know a lot of single girls feel that way. A lot of women get to a certain age, and that age might be anywhere from 21-50 and feel like if they aren’t actively hunting Mr. Right down, they’ll miss him somehow.
To be fair, I’ll admit I’ve been there. At 35 and single I was fully on the hunt and I remember how that felt, and it sucked.
I won’t go so far as to say I felt desperate, but I did feel an intense pressure, and that pressure caused me to make some seriously questionable decisions, not to mention it robbed me of my joy.
I was talking to a friend this week and was telling her how much I wish I could go back in time and tell my 35-year-old self to chill-the-f*ck-out, relax, and just enjoy. My Mr. Right came along as soon as he could and if I’d just focused on my joy and my alignment, I’d have saved myself a lot of frustration and heartache.
A lot of things change when you become a part of a couple. A certain amount of freedom gets exchanged for togetherness. Your time becomes shared. Your energy changes focus. Although it’s wonderful to share a life with someone you deeply love, most women being honest will admit there are aspects of the single life they miss.
It wasn’t until I let go of looking for Mr. Right, and decided to live my single life to it’s fullest that I found my beloved. Coincidence? I think not.
If you’re single there are some things you should absolutely do before you get yourself tied down. Here’s a really good list to start with.
Do it with your girlfriends and do it alone. Traveling will never feel as free as it does when you’re single. Traveling with a lover is something most women fantasize about, and it’s wonderful. However, there is nothing that makes a woman grow more beautiful, inside and out then seeing the world alone.
After you’re married and have a family the pressure to create stability is measurable. Although as a single person you may still have real responsibilities, you have more flexibility to change things up, and then change them some more, than you will ever have again. If you’re single, now is the time to play with things that light you up. Don’t be afraid to make the big moves.
We all learned it in elementary school, reading opens up worlds that are otherwise off limits. Reading makes you a more interesting person. Reading makes you a better conversationalist.
Writing does too. Every woman has a novel or a great book in her and every woman thinks she’ll have time later to write it. Trust me on this one, if you’re single you have more time than you ever will when you aren’t. If it’s in there, get it out now.
The last thing you want is all your stuff falling apart around you while you’re waiting for a man to ride into your life and fix things up. You should own and be able to operate a drill, a power screwdriver, and a toilet snake. Owning and operating some basic tools give you a feeling of independence and empowerment that’s priceless.
If you want to buy a house, don’t wait. If you think you need investments, invest now. Learn your way around your financial house really intimately. A lot of women are a little afraid of money management and mastery. Historically that was a man’s world. However, this is the 21st century. It’s not a man’s world anymore. So, master your money now, because your future relationship will be better for it.
As a single girl, it’s easy to think you’ll always spend every Christmas at home with your family. When you’re married, you won’t. When you become a part of a couple you will have much less time than you do now to see your family. It’s not a bad thing, however, it is a thing you will have to manage. So, take advantage of it. That time is precious and you won’t know just how precious it is until you have less of it.
Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you should live like a college student, unless you are one. A lot of women don’t make “big” purchases thinking they will do it when they get married. Real furniture is big purchase. However, your future self will be sharing a space with someone else. Your taste will be muted to blend with the taste of another. If you’re single now is the time to create a home that is truly and uniquely you.
Just because you get into a relationship doesn’t mean you will dump your girlfriends. We’re all more grown up than that. However, without a doubt, you will spend less time with them. It’s inevitable. The investments you make in your friendships when you’re single will pay dividends for years and years to come. The friends you invest in now will be not only your bridesmaids but the Godparents to your children and much, much more. Don’t underestimate their value.
Find as many ways as possible to give time and share your gifts. Read to children in a hospital. Work with the homeless. Build a Habitat home. Run a charity race. Whatever it is, it will expand your world and your horizons. Volunteerism makes you a bigger person and will make you a better mate because it forces you to see the world through the eyes of other and see yourself differently.
Most single women are alone a lot. However, not all single women enjoy it. What you may not realize when you’re single is that even when you’re a part of a couple, you will still have a lot of time alone. Learning to enjoy your alone time will make your single days brighter, but more importantly, it will make you better at being a part of a couple. It will make you less needy and more independent. You might not think independence is important when you’re married, but it is one of the most important ingredients of togetherness and now is the time to learn it.
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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.
Posted on 05/28/2014 at 12:00:00 AM