The first question most people ask themselves after a first date is, “Did he or she like me?”.
And there couldn’t possibly be a less relevant question to ask.
The only real questions that are worthy of your time after a first date lay on the other side of the isle. While you’re busy ruminating in self-doubt, you’re missing the opportunity to evaluate what’s critical about what happened on that date.
The questions you should be asking about that first date have nothing to do with whether or not you were witty enough, or if you looked good enough.
The question you should be asking yourself isn’t if or when he/she will call you.
The question you should be asking yourself isn’t if he’ or she ran home and took their Match profile down or started looking for their next date with someone else.
The question you should be asking yourself is whether or not he or she was good enough for you.
Did they have a job?
Did they have manners?
Did they say nice things about their mother?
Did you have a good time talking?
Did they make you laugh?
Did you walk away from that date feeling heard and seen or did you feel invisible on the other side of the table.
A date is not a job interview. You aren’t qualifying your future spouse. However, do not be mistaken, a date is also not an opportunity for you to outsource your self-worth.
A first date is a possibility. It’s one of the most courageous things a person can do on a Friday night. It might be the beginning of something that lasts forever. It might be a story you and your friends laugh about for years to come.
A first date is a risk. You might open your heart to a stranger who will stomp on it. You might look across a table and into the eyes of a soulmate. You might get food poisoning. You might have the best time you’ve ever had with someone you won’t ever see again.
However, the only thing you should be asking yourself when it’s over is one simple question.
Is this person worthy of my time and attention – not the other way around?
If he or she calls again, that may or may not be a good thing. It’s not absolute.
If he or she takes too many days or weeks before sending that text or dialing the phone, you’ve learned something about them, having nothing to do with you.
No matter how interested this person might be, if you don’t feel it, their interest isn’t good enough, to be good enough for you.
You are the decider, the qualifier. You get to choose and not just wait to be chosen.
The best way to waste a first date is to make it about you. It’s not a popularity evaluation. You aren’t a test drive. Don’t let someone take you for a spin over dinner and a movie. It’s an opportunity to see if there’s a connection with another human. Don’t waste your time and energy trying to be likeable and miss that chance or the signs it won’t ever really be there.
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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.
Posted on 01/26/2016 at 12:00:00 AM