The First Step in Self Care


Reader letters are always shared with permission and names are always changed to protect privacy.

Dear Lisa,

My fiance and I have been engaged for almost a year. We are planning on getting married next July. We’ve had a great relationship until a few weeks ago when Todd started acting distant and spending a lot of time “out with friends”.

Last weekend I sat him down and asked him what was really going on. At first, he said he was just distracted with work.

Then after an hour or so of talking, he told me he isn’t attracted to me like he was in the beginning of our relationship.

Basically, he told me he wants me to lose some weight before weight before our wedding. He thinks I’ve “let myself go”.

As you can imagine, I feel terrible.

For the record, I haven’t gained any weight since we met. I would say I’m average weight for my height. Maybe I have let myself go a little bit. However, I’ve always felt good about myself until this happened.

I am going to go on a diet. However, I’m wondering what else I need to do to get our relationship back on track.

Please help,

Dear Kelsy,

Here’s the thing. If you’ve let yourself go, you need to get that handled, for you – not for him.

If you need to get your hair done, book an appointment.

If your nails look like crap, get them managed.

If your wardrobe is out of date, go shopping.

If you aren’t taking care of your body, like she deserves to be cared for, get on it.

You should be taking exceptionally good care of yourself for you, not for him, or anyone else.

And it’s possible that along the way, the thing you need to lose is not a few pounds before the wedding. It might be Todd.
Sometimes the first step in self-care is eliminating the people in your life who don’t treasure you.

At this point, Todd falls in that category. I realize this is a serious relationship, and it might feel more complicated than that. However, I encourage you to consider you might not want to marry a man who will make you feel bad about yourself in an effort to excuse his bad behavior. That’s not a recipe for happily ever after.

Girlfriend, with or without this man, you need to be your first priority. If you’re treating yourself the way you deserve to be treated and caring for yourself the way you deserve to be cared for, you will be more than enough for the right man.

Time will tell if that’s Todd or not.

Sending lots of love your way,



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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

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