I sat in the car last night, in the dark, with my husband crying and said some stuff I’d been hiding from myself for weeks. Icky stuff. Scary stuff. Honestly, the kind of stuff that I know is utterly insane. The only thing worse than being crazy is being crazy and knowing it. Now for the record, I’m not a pretty cryer. Some women can cry and still look lovely. When I cry my face swells up and I look like I’ve been in a fight. However, for the record, being ugly on the outside was the least of my concerns. It was the inside ugly that was alarming to me, and putting that on fully display for my husband was the most unsettling kind of vulnerable.
We’d broached the topic earlier in the evening talking about a conversation I’d had earlier in the day about an issue I’ve been struggling with for awhile. When he asked me what I wanted to do about said conversation, I stalled. So, he suggested we sit on it and come back to it later. When later came, and I layed it all out, I felt splayed out and naked. I felt unpeeled and exposed, and not in a sexy way.
But I felt seen, supported, and deeply loved, which by the way is way better than feeling hidden, lost, and alone.
I recently talked to a client who was dating a woman for about six months before he realized she actually looked nothing like he thought she did. Basically, in one fell swoop, he realized he’d fallen in love with a walking illusion. Between plastic surgery and the magic of hours of make-up, the woman he’d been dating was in his opinion a fraud. Before you go judging him, l’ll just say, I’ve seen the pictures and I can see his point.
When we dug into it I asked him if he’d have fallen in love with her without the facade he couldn’t answer the question and he felt guilty for not being able to instantly say yes. All he knew was, he never had a chance to. He didn’t know who she was. He’d never really seen her.
If you want someone to really fall in love with your body you have to be willing to show it rather than rolling around in the dark.
If you want someone to really fall in love with your soul, you have to bare that too.
You can’t expect someone to love you when you’re hiding behind inches of makeup or miles of emotional walls. You can’t expect someone to love all of you when you’re only willing to show the bright and shiny parts. All of us have some icky scary stuff we’d like to hide, but if you want intimacy you can’t. Vulnerability is required if we want to be loved deeper than the surface, and everyone wants to be loved deeply. Everyone wants to be accepted without reservation. Everyone wants unconditional love. Not everyone is willing to risk showing all of themselves to get it. A lot of people are lonely.
The reality is no one can love you unconditionally if they can’t see you completely. Where we hide we are cutting ourselves off from being completely loved.
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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.
Posted on 11/14/2014 at 12:00:00 AM