Let’s face it. We live in a quick-fix society. Everyone is looking for a magic pill that’s going to make things better instantly. However, things that are meant to last a long time, or a lifetime, usually ask more from us than a quick-fix mentality.
Relationships are dynamic, fluid, and always shifting. They are a bit like a river. You can never put your foot in the same water more than once. It might be the same river day in and day out, but the water itself is always moving. That’s why one size fits all solutions aren’t going to work in very many relationships very much of the time.
That said, these three strategies, when you actually work them, have a proven track record for making massive shifts in relationships. They aren’t a magic pill. However, each of these represents a functional change in the way we do relationships that can look like magic and produce measurable results.
1. If it happened more than 72 hours ago, it’s ancient history and stays in the past. Don’t bring up the dirt from the past in the fight of today. You can only deal with what’s actually on the table now.
Between two people it can be hard to keep the past in the past. What happened last week, last month, or three years ago tends to come up when things get hot more often than it should. A 72-hour rule keeps a relationship in the present, which is the only place it can actually be happening.
Let’s face it, sometimes addressing an issue in the red-hot moment is not always a good idea. I know for myself, if I’m upset, everyone involved is better off if I take a moment, or a day to cool off before addressing it. However, if it goes for more than a couple of days, it starts to kind of rot.
By maintaining a 72-hour rule, you are forced to address issues that might otherwise become resentments that fester. It encourages proactive communication. Most importantly, it requires being in a state of active forgiveness when something goes wrong.
2. Create device free spaces in your relationship. Most of us are distracted most of the time. We barely even notice how frequently our attention is divided or even fractured because we live in a world where messages and emails can infiltrate every second of our days no matter where we are, and we’re trained by little beeps and buzzes to respond to them.
Electronic distraction is a very real thing in almost every relationship. It’s a problem for two huge reasons:
When our attention is being pulled in too many directions, we aren’t able to be present with the humans in front of us in a real way. The truth of the matter is none of us multitask as well as we think we do.
If you a sharing space in a room with someone but you’re scrolling the feed, you aren’t really together. Even if you’re on the sofa together and one person is watching TV, and the other is on the computer or Ipad, you aren’t actually sharing an experience. You may as well be in separate rooms or homes.
Attention demonstrates priority. If you are having dinner with someone and you immediately reach for your phone because it buzzed, that is a demonstration that something or someone somewhere else is more important that what’s right in front of you.
It might be subtle; it might be very obvious. However, on some level when that happens the person you are with feels it.
Create times during the day, or spaces in your home where electronic devices are not allowed. When you do, you are creating opportunities to connect fully and be present and the payoff is priceless.
3. Ask for exactly what you want. It doesn’t matter how obvious you think it is. Ask for it outright anyway.
Additionally, you don’t get to be upset about not getting anything you didn’t actually ask for.
People make a lot of assumptions about what they think other people should know. Those assumptions often don’t work. If you want something in a relationship you aren’t getting, the first step should be to assume you haven’t communicated it well enough. However, most people jump to the conclusion it’s because the other person just won’t cooperate.
Taking responsibility for asking for what you want and need puts you in the driver’s seat for getting your needs met instead of hoping someone else will fill in the gaps for you.
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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.
Posted on 07/18/2016 at 12:00:00 AM