I talked to a man last week who was getting ready to go on a year-long backpacking adventure. He fully admitted he was trying to run away. The ink on his divorce papers was barely dry when he called a travel agent to book tickets to Costa Rica. He was profoundly sad and incredibly unprepared to go on a year-long backpacking trip but was going to go anyway.
When I asked him what he was taking, he rattled off a list of necessities that would fit in a pack and a few things that wouldn’t. Then his voice cracked when he admitted he’d also packed a small stack of love letters his former wife had written to him when they were in college.
It was a reminder for me that men are more sentimental than they let on or than we give them credit for. Men like to be romanced. Men need to feel seen and appreciated just like women do. Most men are big softies with harder shells on the outside.
This year on Valentine’s Day you might both have a better time if your focus was less on “romance” which is kind of intangible, and instead focused more on dedicating the day to making your man feel loved, which is very tangible. That puts you in control of the experience and takes the pressure off of him. Trust me he’ll appreciate it. Valentine’s Day can be very stressful for men.
1. Write a love letter. Much like my friend stuffing tattered letters in the bottom of his backpack, just like women, men cherish a well written love letter. Letter writing is a lost art. However, it’s the kind of expression of appreciation that lasts one thousand times longer than it takes to write it. A Hallmark card is a shortcut that lacks the depth of a handwritten love letter.
2. Food is love and on a day when the meal of the day probably requires dinner reservations, a home cooked, favorite meal served by candlelight at home is a very romantic gesture for a man. Chances are pretty high he’d prefer to be alone with you anyway.
3. Spa night at home is a very romantic way to treat your man. I’ve never met a man who’s had pedicure that didn’t enjoy it, but they don’t like to go into a salon to do it. I’ve never met a man who didn’t enjoy a nice bath and a foot rub. I’ve never met a man who didn’t like a facial or a massage. However, men won’t seek those things out themselves for reasons that make sense to them. Doing spa night at home with your man gives you a reason to touch each other in a playful and nurturing way that will leave both of you feeling pampered and loved. Men need a lot more touch than most of them really get.
4. Give him a gift that he will wear often and think of you. A watch engraved with his initials, a bottle of his favorite cologne, a nice set of cufflinks he wouldn’t buy for himself. Like I said, men are secretly sentimental. When he wears something you gave him, he thinks about you and it reminds him how much you love him. When you buy him something that’s just a little more expensive than he’d buy for himself, they secretly appreciate it. With most men, that’s not setting the bar very high. Men don’t like to spend much money on things they wear.
5. Plan your a romantic getaway. It doesn’t have to be a huge vacation. It could be a weekend away or even a day trip. Give it to him as a gift you’ll be doing together in the next few weeks so he has time to anticipate the fun of it. However, you handle it. You decide where to go, where to eat, where to stay. Let him come along for the ride while you take care of him. Men are often doers and producers. They rarely feel like they can really kick back and just be. Giving your man a break from the everyday where he can be taken care of can exciting for both of you.
P.S. For the record – yes, he also wants to have sex. He wants to have sex for a lot of reasons, but one of the biggest reasons is because it makes him feel loved.
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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.
Posted on 02/12/2017 at 01:00:00 PM