Top Three Bad Excuses For Staying In Bad Relationships

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  • 12 Oct, 2017

When you talk to women, (and men) about their bad relationships and why they stay, three themes tend to emerge. Three excuses that keep people trapped not just in bad relationships, but in lives they never intended to live. The problem with a bad relationship is simple. It becomes a prison. It becomes a circumstance that you can’t see past let alone get past. It not just effects every part of your life ranging from health to finances and everything in between, but a bad relationship ultimately defines you as a person. I know this for sure. I’ve been there.

Below are the top three stupid excuses people have for staying in really bad relationships.

Myth #1
It could be worse.
Really? Does that matter? It could be worse comes in all sorts of varieties.
At least he isn’t hitting me.
It’s not like he’s really cheating.
He’s a really good father.
If you aren’t happy what difference does it make? Are you willing to settle for this forever – as in until the end of time? I hope not.

Myth #2
He/She will change or I can change him/her or He/She will change for me.
Sure some people change sometimes but betting your happiness on that is never going to a safe bet.
You certainly can’t change, fix, or improve anyone – ever. You get what you get and if it’s broken, messed up, addicted, angry, or generally sub-par that’s the way it is. Either you love someone the way there are AND you can be happy with them, or not. However, you certainly can’t bank your present or future happiness on some future miraculous change.

Myth #3
It’s best for the kids if I stay.
I don’t think so.
Divorce sucks bad for kids. Yes, it leaves scars. Yes, it might even require therapy.
Here’s the real deal, though – Divorce is NOTHING compared to the nightmare of living with parents at war. It’s a bit like getting a serious burn from the stove or having to live in the middle of a fire. Bad relationships are bad for everyone, especially your children.


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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

By 17 Oct, 2017

I'd like to be the one woman in the world who updates her Facebook status today to say, "Not me. It didn't happen. Nothing to report here."  However, let's be honest, anyone who knows me knows that's not really true.

Maybe the volume of "Me too" posts on Facebook are shocking to men. However, there's not a woman on the planet who is surprised. But I didn't change my Facebook status and I've had to do some soul searching as to why. I like myself some political discourse. I like to take a stand and get loud about it. I usually enjoy kicking up some dust more than most.

I've had three media requests today regarding the "Me too" protest. I've had clients who know my story ask me why I haven't yet changed my status. I am struggling to answer that question for fear of sounding like I don't stand with the women who've stepped forward. I do stand with them. I've devoted a large part of my professional career to supporting them in their healing and transformation.

The fact that every single woman I know has at a minimum been harassed, does not take into account that the vast majority of men aren't that. This might be exclusionary politics of separation by villainizing men. That might not useful. Just short of half the population are male. If we don't start healing men we're never going to break this cycle.

What if toxic masculinity was a mental illness?

What if we are villainizing an entire population people who need helping and healing?
What if it were treatable with therapy or medications?

I firmly believe we can only resist so much. Finding our own power and voices is only half the battle and you can't fight half a battle and win.

We will never dismantle the patriarchy until we heal our men.

I'm rapidly developing a theory that toxic masculinity is a mental illness that a subset of our population, specifically white males are more susceptible to. All kinds of mental diagnosis run more dominantly in certain populations.

What if these men were quite literally mentally ill and we're blaming them for a mental disorder without even the consideration of treatment??

I've named it Aggressive Narcissistic Personality Disorder with Hyper Dominance Motivation

Aggressive Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others.

When power is threatened, anger is a likely emotional outcome and even likelier when dominance motivation is higher.

They actively seek the superior or dominant position in any relationship or encounter. There is a saying in the real estate business that there are three things that really matter: location, location, and…location. With aggressive personalities, there are three things that really matter regardless of the situation they’re in: position, position, and…of course, position!

They abhor submission to any entity that one might view or conceptualize as a “higher power” or authority. However, they are comfortable in power structures that support their views and beliefs.

They are fundamentally at war with anything that stands in the way of their unrestrained pursuit of their desires. That often means the rules, dictates, and expectations of society. Some will accede to or give assent to demands placed on them when it is expedient to do so, but in their heart of hearts they never truly subordinate their wills.

They are ruthlessly self-advancing, generally at the expense of others. They actively and deliberately seek to exploit and victimize others when to do so will further their own ends. Whereas the narcissist simply doesn’t consider the rights or needs of others, the aggressive character tramples the rights and needs of others to satisfy their own desires.

They have a pathological disdain for the truth. Aggressive characters don’t just disregard the truth, they’re actively at war with it. Truth is the great equalizer, and the aggressive personality always wants to maintain a position of advantage. So, they deliberately play very loose with the truth when they’re not flat out lying to con or dupe you. They don’t want you to “have their number.” That upsets the balance of power.

They lack internal “brakes.” They don’t arrest themselves when they’re on their missions. Like a rolling train with no means to stop, they exercise little control over their impulses.

Does that sound like toxic masculinity to you? If it does we've got some serious rethinking about how we see toxic men because the DSM 5 indicates this is a disorder that should be treated.

Maybe women aren't the only ones who need liberating.

I'm not attempting to make excuses for abusers. I'm also not suggesting that every asshole needs to be rushed to a psych doc for meds. However, I am saying that as women, being lost in our own pain might be blinding us from seeing we aren't the only ones who need healing.

The patriarchy is sick. A lot of men are sick. A lot of men obviously need help and that help might have to start with us.

I want to be remembered as a woman in the period of history where women collectively said, " No more. Never again. Not to me or any other woman. " I think we are that generation of women who have the strength to do just that.

However, there is no liberation until everyone is whole and many of our men are neither whole nor are they well. Selective compassion is not going to heal us.

If we looked at toxic masculinity as a mental illness I think we might be doing things slightly or massively differently.
I think it's worth a try.


Sharing is sexy. If you liked this article, share, comment, or pass it on.

Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

By 13 Oct, 2017

I recently talked to a woman who was bombing a lot of first dates. She is gorgeous. Her online dating profiles get a lot of attention. She gets a lot of first dates but almost never gets a second one. She's been single and dating for more than three years and has never gone on a third date.

She thought it was all about the men. She had a lot of stories about how unavailable or unreliable men were. Not too surprisingly, she started attracting a lot of unavailable and unreliable dudes. In fact, the men in her life that had always been there like her brothers or her friends started behaving really dodgy.

I know this woman, and I know she's been on some first dates with some incredible men who made amazing partners for other lucky women. The truth is, the men aren't her problem. She is the common denominator on all those first and only dates.

Here's the truth: She is a very nice person. However, she isn't very likable, especially at that first impression. While I know she has a heart of gold, she comes off as cold and demanding a lot of the time. It's probably a defense mechanism. She works in a very male-dominated profession. However, that all business, somewhat harsh demeanor is eclipsing her beauty, on the inside and the outside.

There is a difference between being nice and being likable.
We've all met people who were very charismatic but not that nice under the layers of likability. However, it doesn't matter a lot how nice you are on the inside, if people don't like you, they probably won't bother to get to know you much past that first impression.

There is a science to likability. A lot of it has to do with chemistry. However, there are a few basic tweaks we can all make to be more likable and engage with people more openly.

1. Smile and make eye contact.

I am an introvert through and through. This one isn't always easy for me. However, it's required for connection, especially early connection. People subconsciously gauge approachability by eye contact. Very scientific studies have proven we find people who smile more attractive and more interesting.

Unless you're a super extroverted open book, chances are high you will probably benefit from smiling and making more eye contact than is naturally comfortable. However, once you get into the swing of it, it becomes more natural and gets easier because connecting happens more naturally.

2. Listen to the other person talk like you actually give a crap.

Learn people's names and use them. People like the sound of their own name.
Start every encounter curious. Make a point of learning something new from everyone you talk to.
Ask questions that indicate you're paying attention.
Make the person you're talking to feel like the only person in the room.

3. Be willing to share something about yourself.

We all know it's not sexy to make any conversation all about yourself. However, it's also not sexy to be a closed book.

A certain amount of vulnerability is required for connection. You want to give people something to remember you for.
If you focus all of your conversation on the other person, it starts to feel a bit like an interview or an inquisition.

4. Think about what you like about the person you're interacting with.

Focusing on what you like about a person changes the energy of a conversation. That energy is palpable. The person you're communicating with will subconsciously feel more liked. Everyone wants to be liked.

Additionally, stating the obvious, you will enjoy the interaction more if you're intentionally focused on what you like instead of defaulting to being critical or disinterested.

5. Reach out and touch someone.

A little bit of touch goes a long way.

The amount of touch that's appropriate will obviously vary based on the situation. However, even at a first encounter, a little physical contact increases likability. That's why either a handshake or a hug is almost always socially appropriate.

I touch on the arm, or the shoulder subconsciously creates a connection. Studies have shown people are 70% more likely to remember the names of people who hug them.


Sharing Is Sexy. If You Liked This Article, Share, Comment, Or Pass It On.

Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

By 13 Oct, 2017

I am a hybrid in birth order. I am a youngest/only child. My only sibling left for college before I was born. So, I was raised as an only child. Occasionally, I wished for a sibling to play with, but for the most part, I liked having all the attention my parents had to give to myself.

I never felt lonely for very long. Whenever I wanted a playmate, I made one up. I always assumed my imaginary friends and companions were better than any sibling other kids had. On any given day I was playing with fairies and elves then the next day I'd be playing with astronauts or explorers in faraway lands. None of those friends ever wanted to take my toys or argue with me.

My imagination has saved me from the angst of boredom all my life. Give me a few minutes alone with nothing to do and I can transport myself just about anywhere. My imagination, for better or for worse, is also my most powerful deliberate creation tool.

The challenge is, more times than I care to admit, my imagination, steered by worry, can drift to pre-tending things I don't actually want. We all do it. Let's face it, worry in any form is only imagining an outcome that's not preferred.

And here's the thing: Imagination is an active, creative conversation with the field of infinite potential.

Everyone is looking for that one magical deliberate creation tool that will shift their lives on the dime. A lot of people are doing many practices every day hoping to get more traction creating something new. However, often too many tools and too many practices start to feel like too much work. All that work isn't necessary when imagination is a tool you can leverage at any moment or even preferably all day long.

One tool can shift everything in on the dime, and you're doing it all day long anyway. If you can get your imagination working for you, instead of against you, you've mastered deliberate creation and life all in one big magical wave of the wand.

1. Imagining Powerfully Imprints The Field Of Potential.

The science behind deliberation creation tells us that all possibilities are bound into the physical through quantum measurement. Quantum measurement is nothing more than observation.

When you are pre-tending, you are sending a series of high-octane observations into the quantum field. Putting it simply, the Universe can't tell the difference between "real" or "imagined" input. If you pretend long enough, the physical universe will have to fall in line.

2. Imagination Shifts Your Emotional State Instantly.

If you are doing a good job imagining anything you naturally slide into the desired emotional state of that thing effortlessly. You don't have to wrangle your emotions. They naturally align.

The bottom line is, the only reason you want anything is that you think it will make you feel something different. If you imagine well enough, you'll get that up-leveled feeling state before anything "real" changes.

It might take a little practice to nail the feeling part of imaging. However, once you do, you've already won the lottery. You got what you wanted out of your desired outcome.

3. Imagination Changes Behavior And Behavior Creates Results.

Let's say you want to be rocking a size six. If you wake up in the morning imagining you're a size six girl you're going to start behaving like that size six girl will behave. You'd have to. A size six girl probably does things differently. Chances are pretty high, that's going to yield some results.

Same rules apply for anything you want to create in your life. If you start pre-tending, you're already there, and you're probably going to be doing things differently than you were before and magic unfolds with a lot less effort. It's a little bit like hitting the fast-forward button on creation.

The shift is internal. It's an identity shift. However, the external behaviors of that identity shift will move the dial in your physical world.

The key to make believe is fun. If you're going to pretend your way into a life, you love you've got to be light with it. Children have it figured out. They don't stress over the pretending. If you're not having fun, it's not going to get you anywhere. So, lighten up and play your way to where you want to go.


Sharing is sexy. If you liked this article, share, comment, or pass it on.

Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

By 13 Oct, 2017

This morning as I sauntered to my altar to do my meditation I felt it viscerally. I am not drawn to that space. I'm forcing myself there daily rather than being there out of a sense of devotion or joy. I'd like to say I go out of habit, but I don't think that's true. Habit would be easier. My daily time at my sacred space is feeling more obligatory than sanctuary.

I've been craving sacred lately, carving it out however and wherever I can. A lot of us are feeling that way right now. Instinctively the sacred feels like an antidote to the chaos that's spinning out there.

So then why?
Why aren't I feeling connected to the space that's intended to be most centering and grounding for me?
Why does sitting there feel punishing instead of replenishing?

This morning I walked away from the altar unsatisfied in every way without even sitting down. But as I walked away I saw it with fresh eyes and the truth of that space was crystal clear.

My altar is a patchwork of a dozen courses I've taken and a reflection of a library's worth of books I've read. It has trinkets and tokens of practices I wanted to love. It's a shrine to the wisdom of others. It's beautiful to look at, but when I see it with my heart, I see everything and everyone but myself.

There is no cure for what's ailing me that's out there. But Goddess knows I can search for it out there anyway. I have it in me to think someone else might have a secret I don't know when it comes to my sacred journey. I have outsourced the direction my most sacred spaces inside and out to people who don't know me.

My altar is a shrine to the genius of other people with wisdom in practices that are not mine. It's a symbol of disconnection rather than connection. In a desire to go "deeper" or look for a quick magical fix it's easy for me to lose myself.

I'm in the spiritually based personal development business. I think a lot of people could transform their lives by taking a deeper dive into learning about spirituality. Reading the books, buying the stuff, spending time in the sphere of a teacher can be life transforming. However, the key is to find yourself in the teachings vs. trying to recreate yourself to be a knock off of a master.

When it comes to the depths of my soul, no one can be my guru but me.

The same rules apply to you. You are your own best guru. No one else can feel the stir of your heart. You aren't going to find your fire in the pages of a book. It's your life work to examine the DNA of your soul, then figure out who to sooth it and grow it on your unique journey to your specific brand of enlightenment.

For me today, the most important work is dismantling a stale altar. But I know that's just a start.

1. Look to your ancestors.

Spiritual roots live in your DNA. I believe that in a literal way. My ancestors live in me in ways I will never fully comprehend. Their spiritual longings are alive with me always.

Ancestral cultures lived their spiritual practices as a method of survival. Wherever your people were from, chances are very high they were a living embodiment of spiritual practice in a way most modern cultures are very disconnected from.

Explore your ancestry for clues to a sacred path that will inevitably feel familiar on some level. Maybe you will have to modernize it to practice it, but undoubtedly you'll find something in your family history that will resonate.

2. Look to the traditions of the native cultures of the place you live.

We live where we live for a reason. It's rarely as accidental or incidental as we might like to think it is. Land draws us back to echoes of lives lived before. Native cultures in all their diversity can tell you a story of who you were before you were you.

Co-opting and appropriation are real. Being a tourist in a spiritual tradition that isn't yours by blood might be disrespectful if you can't honor the what you don't understand. However, you might find an essence of something that feels truly sacred to you in the native culture of the place you live that surprises you.

You are where you are for a reason. Be curious and explore.

3. Notice the traditions of places and cultures you are drawn to.

Everyone knows I love Hawaii. The pull I feel to the islands almost defies logic. When we're getting on the plane to leave sometimes, I can hold back the tears. Sometimes not so much.

Yes, I love myself some palm trees and tranquil blue waters. However, if I'm deeply honest with myself, I have a profound love for the culture and traditions of the Pacific Islanders. The teachings of Huna philosophy make more sense to me than most.

A strong pull to a place that is not your home or your ancestral home might provide some clues to a spiritual path that has roots for you even if it doesn't make sense at first glance.

4. Look at your home and spaces for signposts of the sacred.

If you walked into my home, you'd inevitably guess I am Buddhist. There are Buddhas big and small everywhere. While it's not exactly true, my connections to Buddhist traditions run deep in my spiritual practices.

When I get passed the first pass at checking out my home, I see other layers of my soul everywhere. There are bottles of concoctions and hidden boxes of incense everywhere. I'm always dragging the natural world from outside into my home. The ocean is a constant presence in my most sacred spaces.

Your home will hold clues for you if you look at it with fresh eyes. We tend to surround ourselves with icons of our essential nature.

5. Take an inventory of the books you've actually read and put to use vs. the books you bought and didn't touch or finish.

A lot of us have spirituality shiny object syndrome. We tend to jump from one shiny new thing to another because the proverbial spiritual grass is always greener. However, you're going to stick with things that sing to your soul.

You will make time to master stuff that's in your heart or your blood. So, pay attention to the kinds of spiritual practices that have lasted longer than it took the new car smell to wear off. It will give you some clarity.

Instinct is more powerful than any distraction when it comes to a spiritual practice.

6. Make it yours.

Most spiritual traditions are packed with rules, processes, and protocols. Most of those traditions were set in stone hundreds if not thousands of years ago. A lot of-of that stuff is not practical, at least for me, in its entirety today. That doesn't mean I need to scrap it all - I can cherry pick the parts of things that have practical meaning for me today.

There are probably five traditional spiritual paths that have a lot of juice for me. Parts and pieces of those sewn together in meaningful ways have become what I would call the foundation of my law of attraction practice. It doesn't have to be all or nothing on any one path.

Finding yourself may mean finding parts of yourself in lots of different places. That's ok as long as you're practicing what you find.


Sharing Is Sexy.

Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

By 13 Oct, 2017

One of the biggest myths about relationships is that they are or should be 50/50. It just doesn't work that way. I've spent my lifetime observing my parent's 70+ year marriage. It's one of the healthiest relationships I've ever seen. It's never been a 50/50 proposition.

Most of the time both of them put everything they had into their marriage making it more of a 100/100 kind of arrangement. However, honestly, there have been times when one of them put a little less in the mix than the other. Neither of them ever fully checked out. However, over a lifetime on occasion, one of them has had less to give than the other, and when that happens, the other partner just takes up the slack, and they get on with it.

The thing that's made their relationship roll all these years is both of them are invested in some measurable way, all the time. Over time that investment has created balance and equilibrium. It doesn't have to be exactly 50/50 to be balanced when you're in it for a lifetime or even a long time.

That said, it needs to come close. The bottom line is, if you're investing more in a relationship than you're getting out of it for very long, eventually, that relationship will become unsustainable.

Here's the thing: energy is a currency, and you can't spend what you don't have for too long without paying the price.

Relationships require energy, but they should also provide energy. That's where the magic is. You might give more than you actually have, but you'll be getting more than you need in return in a healthy relationship.

What you might get out of a relationship is very personal. It varies widely depending on the circumstance and situation.
It might be appreciation.
It might be love.
It might be emotional support or an emotionally safe space.
It might help around the house or even money.
It could be anything, but it needs to be something of value to you.

I've been in relationships where I took more than what was given to me. Those relationships don't exist anymore. Go figure.

Recently, I've invested in a couple of relationships that haven't given me much, if anything, in return. I'm not digging those relationships. In fact, it's safe to say they are over. Those relationships have made me question all of my relationships and how I'm doing them. Those questions are important.

The problem is sometimes it sneaks up on you. You think a relationship is working in balance and then one day you look at yourself in the mirror and realize you're lost. Maybe you noticed you were giving more than you were getting back. Maybe you didn't. Sometimes you get so distracted by the giving, that you don't realize you're all tapped out until the relationship is either over or on the brink.

Here are the top six signs you're giving more than you're getting in a relationship. Any one of these signs is an indicator you've got a serious issue in your relationship. A combination of them or all of them means you need to take action now. That action might be a recalibration of the relationship, and it might mean it's time to let it go and move on.

1. You Find Yourself Constantly Trying To Justify Your Worth When It Should Be Obvious, Either In Your Head Or To The Other Person.

When you're spinning around in your own head about how much you are doing for someone or how often you are there to hold things together or pick up the pieces, that is a good sign things are out of whack.

This dialog, either internal or external almost always starts with, "But I'm__________________."
But I'm a good mother.
But I'm a good friend.
But I'm a good wife.
But I'm always there for you.

The "but" indicates you're worth isn't being valued or reciprocated. Anytime you're justifying your worth to anchor your value, a relationship is seriously out of balance.

2. You're Fighting Back The Ever Pressing Drumbeat Of Resentment And Irritation.

This feels like choking down a healthy helping of "f*ck you" all the time. You know you aren't appreciated, and you're finding it difficult like the person you're supposed to love.

They are irritating you. The fact that they breathe is annoying. And yet, you keep trying, and nothing you do is good enough to be satisfying for anyone, especially you.

Resentment is like the terminal cancer of relationships. Once it gets going, it's hard to stop, and it will eventually kill every good thing that was once there. The first sign of resentment is usually irritation.

3. You Are Tired, Physically, Emotionally, And Psychically.

You look tired.
You feel tired, clear to the bone.
No matter how much you sleep, you can't shake it. You're exhausted. So, you take more vitamins, get more exercise, and take naps, but you're still tired.

Exhaustion isn't always physical. Emotional exhaustion happens when you are putting out more than you're taking in. You can't rest your way out of emotional exhaustion, but you will probably try.

You tell yourself "self-care" is the key. So you keep popping the vitamins and going to yoga only to look in the mirror and realize your body is sending you a message about your emotional state. That message is you're giving more than you have to give because you aren't getting enough in return.

4. You Are Anxious Over Everything For No Particular Reason.

You're afraid of your shadow. You've got a feeling of dread you can't shake. All signs point towards everything is mostly ok, but you feel unnerved about everything and nothing at all, all at the same time.

You find yourself wondering why you aren't satisfied when so many things are going well. You have a generalized feeling of concern over stuff that you know will work out. Maybe you feel anxious about your relationship, but probably it's more likely you feel anxious about everything.

You've ignored the voice in your head that's telling you something is very wrong in your relationship so long that the voice has started screaming at you about everything, just to get your attention. It's working. It's got your attention, but instead of focusing on what needs to be addressed in your relationship, you're spinning out on everything else.

5. You're Stuck In Almost Every Area Of Your Life.

Your LOA practice has flatlined.
You've forgotten what your goals were.
Every area of your life feels like treading water.

You're not working towards that promotion anymore. You're just hoping you won't get fired.
You're not thinking about being healthy anymore. You're just at war with your body over that fifteen pounds you've put on.

There are a lot of distractions that are preventing you from looking at the one area of your life that really needs addressing. A relationship that is sucking you dry affects every area of your life, not just that relationship. Sooner or later you can't hide from it because it starts spreading itself out over too many parts of your life.

6. You Are Afraid To Say Anything About What's Not Working For You For Fear The Other Person Will Unplug From The Relationship.

Let's be clear, someone who really loves you or even cares for you passively is not going just to walk when there's a conversation or even confrontation to be had. If the power dynamic is that out of whack the relationship isn't much of a relationship anyhow. Either you've got some deep personal work to do around worth, or your partner is mostly already gone.

I've been there. I know how it feels to be fearful of rocking the boat. I've had someone I loved very much threaten me with disappearing if I asked for too much. I've also been in situations where I was afraid of asking for what I wanted with no particular evidence that it would go wrong. The problem was in me.

I know it's easier to say than swallow in real life, but if someone is going to leave you because you say the wrong thing, or ask for your needs to be met, good riddance.


Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

By 13 Oct, 2017

I'm not going to lie. I should have seen it coming. I should have just cleared the months of July and August in advance. There was an omen, and I knew it was a forebearer of some messy change the minute I realized what it was. Several weeks ago I noticed my yard was teaming with crying crows. They were screaming in fact, and there were a lot of them.

I tried to feed them. I gave the crows yarn and tiny shiny objects. I played them music. I talked to them. I attempted to calm them for several hours before I realized what had happened and when I figured it out, the feeling of foreboding was persistent.

I sent my husband a text: "You need to come home now. There are two dead crows in the pool. Their friends are super fucking upset."

Yes, I'm a baby. I'm not the girl who's going to fish the dead crows out of the pool by myself. Don't judge.

We buried the crows with the most sacred ceremony possible. We decorated the grave site. I left offerings for their friends for days. However, it left me unsettled. I knew I was waiting for something, and I didn't know what it was. I know what crow medicine is, but I researched it relentlessly anyway.

Bottom line, two dead crows is probably not a great omen no matter how you look at it.

I didn't have to wait that long to start to figure it out because within the week a series of unrelated, but persistently unending events started rolling through my life and continued for weeks.

Some of those events were just the worst, the kind of seriously horrible things that make me want to go to bed and not get up. Some of them were amazing and nearly miraculous, but still, reality shaking and challenging to process.

I know my pattern. I tend to do all of my hard stuff at once in big batches. I feel things intensely, so it's not surprising that once I get on a roll, I attract more intensity in kind. However, as I think back on those crows, I have a particular kind of peace that this was all going to happen no matter what.

On the front end of this shit storm, my husband and I went to Vegas for our anniversary. There was no gambling or casinos. There was simply a spa retreat hotel room and a pool with a waitstaff at the cabana. I have found myself saying out loud and in my head, more times than I can count, "I just want to go back to Vegas."

It's not the bright lights, loud music, and expensive food that has me craving Vegas. It's the retreat, the solitude of that room. It's the nothingness of being anonymity in the crowd. I'm intending we're on the other side of the chaos as of today. However, we all know how this system works. If I've ever going to get enough wind in the sails to get out of chaos, I have to activate peace. That fact that I'm craving Vegas gives me some solid clues about what might be next. Peace and respite are the orders of the day.

I usually don't write publicly about the crap that goes on in my life until I'm well on the other side of the storm. However, today I'm making an exception. I going to share my the vibration repair process I'm putting into effect today.

I'm sharing because I know I'm not the only one going through massive shift storms right now. I'm also sharing it because a little accountability goes a long way in my world. So, I'm committing to you; this will get shifted starting now.

Here are the household rules for vibration rehab:

1. Turn Off The TV.

Yes, there are natural disasters. Yes, our political system is a rolling train wreck of unimaginable proportions. Yes, the world might feel like it's falling apart. However, my fragile vibe just can't take it right now. So, we're turning off the noise for now. Not forever - for today and the next few days, the durations of which is still to be determined.

CNN alerts are not important enough to risk making my precarious mood even more unstable. Being in the know isn't helping. So, we're unplugged, and it's not easy. I've become very addicted to the adrenaline of the news cycle. But I'm willing to do the detox. It's important.

2. Stop Talking About It.

I'm willing to talk about my feelings. Feelings matter. Talking about them might be healthy.

It's not easy. I want to rattle off a twenty point checklist of doom right now. However, repeating the ever-growing list of fuckery in my life to illustrate the point that my current situation is a shit show is doing nothing more than magnifying the shit show.

There are lots of things to talk about that are working. However, knowing I'm in an adrenaline run up, I know that fixating on the peaceful might not feel all that satisfying right now. But it's required.

I'm still surrounded by snoring dogs. I went to a lovely wedding celebration last weekend. I've got Doctor Pepper in the frig. I'm not going to give audience to my upset right now.

All is well.
All is well.
All is well.

3. Get Back On Track With My Self-Care Without Excuses.

There were days last week where self-care at its best was taking a shower before my husband got home from work, so I didn't stink. I didn't manage to even pull that off every day.

That said, I need my vitamins. I need to exercise. I need to get outside of my house to do more than buy more Doctor Pepper. I need to meditate. When the going gets tough, the first thing to go is usually self-care when you need it the most.

My failure to care for myself properly has created an inability to care for anything else well including my family, my home, and my business.

I tend to be an all or nothing kind of girl. Either I'm rocking my self-care, or I'm slouched in the corner in a puddle. As of today, I'm getting back on the self-care wagon, even if it happens one step at a time instead of all at once.

4. Zenify My Home.

Part of what I long for from the Vegas retreat is maid service and the minimalist decor. Although my home is not a shit hole, it's feeling far from Zen.

I'm making a point to move at least five things to their proper place every time I get up from my seat. At this rate, eventually, the landscape will stop being a distraction.

I've scheduled in a half an hour every day for the next two weeks to tackle the most important to me spaces in my home. That starts with my bedroom and my office.

I'm opening windows to let real fresh air blow through. I'm saging the nooks and crannies to excavate the stuck energy. After I finish this post, I'm texting my housekeeper to make sure I'll see his happy face tomorrow.

Part of the magic is in visually seeing progress being made. However, the real magic is that what's happening on the outside is a reflection of what's going on on the inside. I may not be able to fully control the inner chaos, but I can wrangle the outer chaos into order, and it starts to calm my crazy making mind.

5. Leverage Ritual And Make Magic.

Oh those damn crows, I knew it when I saw it. They were bringers of dark magic into my world. However, it was magic none the less, and the symbolism was not lost on me.

I'm going to honor the fuck out of those crows. Crow medicine has worked it's way into my totem, and I'm embracing that. Crow rituals will abound along with lots of other magic making to ease the waters.

I'm most at peace when I'm at my altar or on my yoga mat. I haven't been dipping myself in the waters of my spiritual practice, and the absence of that discipline has left a vacuum for a lot of turbulence in my life. As I stood in front of my altar this morning, I felt very disconnected from it and that is a solid gold indicator I'm disconnected from myself.

The practice may be different than it was a few weeks ago, but a practice that grounds my spiritual side is required of me right now, and I know it. Every experience is a spiritual experience. I need to get back in the game with the Divine to give the meaning I choose to whatever is happening.

6. Surrender, Surrender, Surrender.

While some of this might not be my preference, I can accept it, all of it. Resistance is not only painful; it's futile.

I will breathe through the discomfort instead of trying to distract myself from it.

I will EFT until my face is bruised if I need to.

I will surrender a thousand times a day because that's what's required. I can let everything be a blessing if I don't allow myself to flee back into victim mode.

There is no going around an energetic shit storm. There is only going through, and surrender is the ONLY way to do that without hurting myself or others in the process.

7. I Will Remind Myself What I Want On The Regular.

I'm not too super stoked about what is a lot of the time at this point. However, what I want is to anchor a state of peace, and I will remind myself that's what I'm after persistently.

I will visualize desired outcomes instead of replaying the fuck show in my head like a horror movie trailer. I will focus on the many things that have gone really right and amplify those in my mind's eye.

Deliberate creating takes mental muscle, and I feel a bit like someone training for the Olympics that hasn't been in the gym for six weeks. But that's ok. I've done this before.

I know I don't have to feel good to create things I really want. I just need to be the boss of my focus. I can do that, or at least I can start doing that right now.

8. Find The Feel Good Wherever It's Hiding.

Comedies - check
Sex - check
Music - check
Clean sheets - check
Chocolate - check


Sharing is sexy. If you liked this article, share, comment, or pass it on.

Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

By 13 Oct, 2017

As a relationship coach, I talk to a lot of women who are relatively convinced that either all men are dogs or all the good ones are gone. I can tell you with complete certainty that's just not true. I see great men pretty much everywhere I look. I have a bunch of really incredible men on my case load who are single and looking.

In all fairness though, there are a lot of man-children out there on the dating market, and they get around. They give the species a bad name. These men are unbalanced, immature and self-absorbed. However, let's face it, there are also unstable, immature and self-absorbed women playing the game also.

I was talking to a lovely woman a few days ago who was convinced she couldn't spot a "real man" if he were sitting right in front of her. She had a track record of attracting men who couldn't pull their weight financially or emotionally. She simply could not see the signs. She's not alone.

So, here is a cheat sheet for being able to identify a real life grown up balanced man. Once you know the signs, you'll be able to spot them and realize they aren't an endangered species after all.

1. A balanced grown up man wants his woman to be happy. He will do what he can to make her happy and keep her that way.

It's biological for men. They are protectors and providers. I know that sounds outdated. I get that old fashioned gender rolls don't always roll in our society now. However, a balanced, healthy, grown up man will still do everything in his power to ensure his woman is content, even if she's the bread winner and he's a stay at home dad.

2. A balanced grown up man can take care of himself. Stating the obvious, a grown up man is not looking for a mommy.

Yes, of course, people who are in relationships do things for each other. They take care of each other as an act of love. However, a real man who's worth your time is happy to do his own laundry and keep track of his bank balance.

A grown up man isn't looking for a maid, a nanny, or a cook. He's looking for a woman who lights his soul on fire and makes him want to be better for her every day.

3. A grown up man knows he's not done growing.

A grown up man isn't forever reliving his glory days. He might wear his college jersey and watch the football game on Saturday afternoon. He may even go out with his college buddies. However, he is also focused on his personal development. He grows and learns.

A grown up man keeps his eye on the future. Men are builders by nature. A healthy man has an instinct to create something for himself and his family. He will stretch himself to build and evolve.

4. A balanced grown up man is sober.

He isn't indulging his addictions. He doesn't play with fire. He might have a drink or two, but he's not a drunk. He probably pops a handful of vitamins, but he's not popping pills. He loves seeing a beautiful woman, but he's not hiding from his life through porn.

A grown up man is not being an addict. That doesn't mean he never had an addiction. It simply means he chooses to be sober and lives life his life feeling his emotions. He doesn't need to numb himself to get through the day.

5. A grown up man knows how to communicate and can manage his anger with hostility.

Sure, he gets mad. We all do. However, his anger never leaves his partner feeling afraid, abused, or damaged. A balanced man can own his feelings. He can express them, even the ugly ones with love and consideration.

A grown up man can and will talk. He might not talk on command if he's not ready, but he will always come back to the table.

6. A healthy balanced man will pursue, and he can commit.

A balanced man doesn't leave you wondering if he's into you. He will show you with his actions that he's into you. He can talk about the future and include you in that. He says the right things and more importantly does the right things.

A healthy man won't dodge or ditch out on conversations about your relationship. In fact, he may instigate them. He knows himself well enough to speak maturely about the pace of relationship and timing.

He never leaves you wondering how he feels because he shows you how he feels and can speak to it.

7. A healthy grown up man is secure enough to be generous.

He is generous with his time and doesn't play games with money. He doesn't make you feel guilty about paying for dinner, and he doesn't make you feel guilty for wanting to spend time with him.

However, the thing to know is he's generous with everyone. You may not get all his time and attention. But he never leaves you feeling hungry or makes you feel needy.

8. A real man has a history of being able to do relationship.

He has relationships with friends and family that have stood the test of time. He may not be close to every member of his family. However, he will have relationships that have history.

There are people in his life who love him. There are people in his life who are protective of him. You want a man who has people in his life who will want to vet you and then accept you with open arms.

9. A grown up man is not a jealous and controlling dick.

He's not possessive. He doesn't need to own you. He wants you to have a life and doesn't want to supervise it.

A healthy man isn't looking sideways at you when you talk to another man. He doesn't get mad when you go out with your girlfriends, even if you're late. He won't freak out if your ex-emails or calls.

A grown up man does not isolate you. He encourages you to have a life, and he supports your relationships with other people, whether they are male or female.

10. A real balanced man shows up when it's not easy. He show's up when you're not easy.

He mans up when the plumbing needs fixing. He will go to your sister's wedding with you and sit next to you at your grandma's funeral. He doesn't run for the hills when you're PMSing.

He would never shame you for being emotional. In fact, he secretly kind of loves it. He will laugh with you and hold you when you're crying for no reason. He doesn't judge. He just shows up.

This is a man who does not ditch out when the going gets tough. He shows up and shines. He takes charge if you need him to or he takes a back seat and supports if that's what in order.


Sharing Is Sexy. If You Liked This Article, Share, Comment, Or Pass It On.

Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

By 13 Oct, 2017

I'm always fascinated about how little I know about myself and I know I'm not alone. There are a lot of problems with self-awareness. First of all, most people, simply don't make the time to do the deep soul diving that's required to explore what makes us tick. Secondly, most of us are more interested in anything that's going on "out there" than we are in the stuff that's happening inside.

However, more than anything, the challenge is we're constantly evolving, morphing into new and updated versions of ourselves. Without a ritualized practice of self-exploration, it can be almost unavoidable to have outdated ideas about who we are.

Up until recently, I would have told you I'm the girl who's always up for the next big adventure. However, at this moment in my life, I'm face to face with the kind of adventure that will deliver life changing experiences, and I find myself a little queazy.

My hesitancy is surprising me. I'm discovering corners in my soul that aren't as courageous as I once thought they were. I wouldn't have ever seen that part of myself had I not gone and stirred the pot of the status quo.

So, now I'm learning a lot of things I didn't know about myself. Change and transition have a way of shining the light on what's true right now like a stadium light in a closet.

A real sense of self is hard to nail down when we are so habituated to identifying ourselves in very external ways.

We identify ourselves as through relationships. I am a wife and a mother. For the majority of my adult life, I've been known as someone's mother. More people know me as Caleb's or Kingston's mother than know me as just Lisa.

We identify ourselves as a career choice. I am a coach. My introduction often involves a lot of explaining what I do to earn money and zero talking about who I truly am.

We identify from a sense of place or location. I am from Olympia, Washington. I live near downtown.

However, when you strip all that away, all those external formalities and identifiers, what's left? What can you tell me about who you are after all that? Most people will hit a long hard pause once all the external stuff is off the table.

I firmly believe profoundly knowing myself is the single most important factor in my happiness. Yet, when I'm sitting with myself more often than not, I'm still a mystery. And that's ok because uncovering that mystery is my life's work. It's your life's work too.

Self-exploration is a sacred practice. It's not a once and done kind of deal. Pulling back the layers of external identity takes time, but it's worth the investment of energy.

Here are six practices for self-discovery.

1. Explore your soul through your art.

Everyone has art in them. It might be words that want to flow onto a page. It might painting, sewing, pottery, drawing, music, or dance. What it is, doesn't matter. What is important is that you express it.

Creativity is the expression of the soul. Create for your sake not for other people. It's your art. Get yourself out of your head and into the world through art for art's sake.

Creative constipation leads to depression. It also deafens you to the whisperings of your inner-self because art is an intuitive process of making something that wasn't there before.

2. Create environments that make you happy and then examine them.

If you decorate judgment free, for yourself and no one else, you will see yourself reflected back to you with remarkable accuracy.

Get rid of the things that don't bring you joy. Sit in a blank canvas of nothingness until things start appearing if you have to.

Paint the walls a color that makes you smile when you look at it. Bring things into your spaces that make you happy. Throw it all away and start over regularly.

3. Photograph everything and notice what you're capturing.

We live in an age of digital photography. Everyone has a camera on their phone. There's no excuse. Photograph everything.

Your eye sees things your brain might not notice. Be curious about the patterns that start to emerge. You will start to get clues about your personal sense of style. You will start to see beauty where you might normally miss it.

We tend to document what's really important to us. You'll figure out what's screaming to be seen pretty quickly.

4. Make a new friend and observe yourself from a fresh perspective.

New friends don't know your past. They see you with fresher eyes than you might see yourself. In the most innocent way possible, new friends see the real you.

Exploring yourself through the lens of someone who doesn't know you well will give your insights into how you show up in the world without your stories about who you are.

Be vulnerable with a stranger and be curious about how that feels to you. Notice how it feels to be present with someone who knows very little about you. Practice feeling emotionally safe in the uncertainty of it.

5. Challenge yourself to a bigger than usual risk.

Observe yourself pushing your limits and see what comes up. You will find all your insecurities lurking at the edge of your comfort zone, and most of them probably aren't even valid.

Explore how it feels to stand squarely in the uncertain. Do it for self-exploration's sake alone. Let go of the habit of controlling outcomes and just experience yourself doing or being something new.

Write down all the fears or insecurities that come up when you take a risk and decide if those fears are a part of who you want to be. Fear happens, and many people turn back at the first whiff of it. Be willing to see who you are while being afraid and moving forward anyway.

6. Get comfortable with the discomfort of speaking your truth without apology.

Your truth is what makes you uniquely you. Speaking it makes you visible, and visibility is vulnerable. Vulnerability is rarely comfortable, but it's worth it. You deserve to take up space in your own life. Speaking your truth is the only way to do that.

Other people don't have to like or agree with your truth for you to own it. Truth is not the territory of popularity contests. It is the foundation for authenticity. You can't ever fully experience yourself until you own and speak your truth.


Sharing Is Sexy. If You Liked This Article, Share, Comment, Or Pass It On.

Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

By 12 Oct, 2017


I was listening to a couple at a restaurant recently. Don't judge me for eavesdropping. They were right behind me.
They weren't actually fighting. However, the tone of their conversation wasn't exactly loving either. I have a feeling that conversation was a lot like most of their conversations.

Here are some highlights in no particular order:

"If you'd take more time when you're working on things stuff like that wouldn't happen. You're careless."

"You don't ever consider my family when you're making those kinds of plans. None of them eat gluten anymore."

"I don't understand why you have such a hard time taking the trash out. Our eight-year-old can get it all the way to the dumpster. It's not that hard."

"You seem oblivious to what's happening around you when other people are involved."

Now, that might sound like a fight, but it wasn't. Those comments were dispersed with a lot of other general conversation. However, the overriding tone of the exchange was mostly critical.

And as they left the restaurant and kissed each other goodbye before they went their separate ways back to work, I thought about it. I suspect those two both think the other person doesn't listen.

That afternoon I overheard my own-damn-self talking to my kiddo.

"You never pick up after yourself. You're not the only person who lives here."

"Why can't you focus on your schoolwork the way you focus on Minecraft? Your education is important, and I don't think you're trying."

"You need to be more responsible with your chickens. They depend on you, and you're not taking that seriously."

"There is no reason we should be having this conversation over and over again. It's like you're not listening."

And you know what? He wasn't listening, and I know exactly why.

The human brain has what I would call a safe source filter. That means if someone is primarily critical, you quit listening. You may hear the person speak, but for the most part, you shut them down. They will have very little impact on your behavior. This mechanism is designed to keep you emotionally safe.

In fact, studies have been done on this and demonstrate that if you want to have any significant influence on someone you need to keep your positive to negative observation ratio at about 7 to 1. That means you're saying seven times more positive things to someone than sharing negative observations about them.

We know from brain scans that when a person is criticized, they respond to that neurologically as if they are in danger. It lights up the same part of the brain as the fight or flight response. When you're in fight or flight your focus narrows. You can't process information. Basically, you cannot actually listen to critisim because the brain locks it out as if your safety depends on it.

When you think about it, you know it's true.

You probably valued the opinion of that supervisor who liked and appreciated you way more than the opinion of the boss that's always nagging you.

You probably want to please the lover that's saying sweet things frequently.

You want to work hard for the teacher that makes you feel good about yourself.

You also know when you really need something from that bank teller, you start your conversation with a compliment. You do it naturally.

It makes sense when you think about it, in a real world, practical kind of way. However, from a law of attraction perspective, it makes even more sense. You get what you focus on. You attract what you speak into reality.

It's easy to be critical, especially when you share a life with someone. You get off in the weeds of noticing all the things you don't like or wish were different. No one is perfect. When you start noticing those things you find more stuff you don't like to notice. When you start speaking to them, the person you're talking to stops hearing. It's not intentional; they can't help it.

The bottom line is if you want to be in a relationship with anyone, if you want any measure of influence in a relationship, you have to ensure your communication is overwhelmingly positive regarding the person you're talking to.

Love matters. There's no exception to that rule. If you want relationships that thrive in love, starting with the words you choose is a shortcut to getting there.


Sharing is sexy. If you liked this article, share, comment, or pass it on.

Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

By 12 Oct, 2017

Recently I went through a bout of feeling pretty crappy about myself. My activity levels were lower than usual for a number of reasons. My stress levels were pegging the top of the stress-o-meter. I had a serious run in with PMS. I was feeling sluggish and soft - not the good kind of soft, you know, the jiggly kind of soft.

I was also feeling unusually uncomfortable. Old injuries I thought had healed kicked up again. I felt slow and achy. When I considered getting myself up and moving, I let my aches and pains keep me sitting on the sofa. I know better than that. However, I couldn't get going. I also had a four-day migraine that took its toll of my sunny disposition. Generally speaking, I wasn't feeling very at home in my skin.

Not feeling good in my skin led to a run of some exceptionally brutal unflattering thoughts. I'm a girl who takes pride in having her self-talk on point. However, for a couple of weeks straight, I spent way too much time thinking some really harsh thoughts about myself and my body.

So, one morning I got myself dressed for the day. Honestly, saying I got dressed might be an overstatement. Let's just say I put clothes on and I caught a good look at myself in the mirror while I was brushing my teeth. I kid you not; I looked like horrible. I mean I looked sick, fat, and ten years older than I am. I'm not saying that to be hard on myself. I'm saying it because it was the dead honest truth.

And at that moment I realized exactly what I'd been doing to myself. You know, thoughts create reality. The reality staring back at me in the mirror sucked, but my thoughts leading up to that come to Jesus moment had been exceptionally sucky. So, go figure.

This might sound overly simplistic, but hear me out. Your thoughts aren't happening to you. You're thinking them. More specifically you're choosing them, each one of them. You may not be doing that intentionally, but you are. You get to decide what you think about yourself, and so do I.

And then there's that next part. What you think becomes real.
Your self-esteem isn't an observation about what is. It's a product of what you've been telling yourself. And for better or worse, you're doing it to yourself.

When I got a good look and didn't like what I saw in the mirror, I knew what I had to do. I had to decide how I wanted to feel about myself and think thoughts accordingly - not one day, but every day. Knowing I have that power is freedom. You've got it too.

Here are four of my favorite thoughts that have gotten my self-talk back on point.

1. What makes me different makes me beautiful.

We tend to think we want to look like everyone else to fit in. Sameness is not sexy, and it's also not possible. We are all different. However, that's a good thing. The things that make us unique are the very things that make us most beautiful. Those are the features that make us stand out and shine.

Instead of trying to cover-up your flaws play up your uniqueness. Highlight what you've been hiding. That's where the beauty really is.

2. I love my body because she is a vessel for pleasure.

The more I love I show my body, the more pleasure she delivers for me.

Pleasure is what makes life worth doing, and when you're punishing your body, you cut yourself off from it. Unconditional love allows people to be who they are, fully expressing themselves. Your body is no exception.

If you want her to be fully expressed and you want her to fully experience everything, unconditional love is the ticket. Trust me; you want your body to fully experience everything. That is the seed of pleasure.

Love=Pleasure. That's how the system works. So work the system.

3. My body is a temple.

My body is a sacred container for my soul, and I need to treat her accordingly.

That means everything I put in her or on her is an offering.

Everything I do for her needs to be mindful.

Every thought I think about her needs to be worthy.

When I'm treating my body like a temple, I'm going to do right by her. When I'm doing my best for my body, she shows up at her best. I look my best, and I feel my best.

A sacred relationship with my body absolutely demands that I drop the negative self-talk.

4. Muscles are sexy, and curves are too.

That one requires no explanation because you already know it's true.


Sharing Is Sexy. If You Liked This Article, Share, Comment, Or Pass It On.

Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

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