When you talk to women, (and men) about their bad relationships and why they stay, three themes tend to emerge. Three excuses that keep people trapped not just in bad relationships, but in lives they never intended to live. The problem with a bad relationship is simple. It becomes a prison. It becomes a circumstance that you can’t see past let alone get past. It not just effects every part of your life ranging from health to finances and everything in between, but a bad relationship ultimately defines you as a person. I know this for sure. I’ve been there.
Below are the top three stupid excuses people have for staying in really bad relationships.
It could be worse.
Really? Does that matter? It could be worse comes in all sorts of varieties.
At least he isn’t hitting me.
It’s not like he’s really cheating.
He’s a really good father.
If you aren’t happy what difference does it make? Are you willing to settle for this forever – as in until the end of time? I hope not.
He/She will change or I can change him/her or He/She will change for me.
Sure some people change sometimes but betting your happiness on that is never going to a safe bet.
You certainly can’t change, fix, or improve anyone – ever. You get what you get and if it’s broken, messed up, addicted, angry, or generally sub-par that’s the way it is. Either you love someone the way there are AND you can be happy with them, or not. However, you certainly can’t bank your present or future happiness on some future miraculous change.
It’s best for the kids if I stay.
I don’t think so.
Divorce sucks bad for kids. Yes, it leaves scars. Yes, it might even require therapy.
Here’s the real deal, though – Divorce is NOTHING compared to the nightmare of living with parents at war. It’s a bit like getting a serious burn from the stove or having to live in the middle of a fire. Bad relationships are bad for everyone, especially your children.
Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.
Posted on 10/28/2009 at 12:00:00 AM