One of the questions I often get is when is it time to start dating again after a breakup or divorce. There are a lot of standard formula’s to answer that question and honestly, I have a standard answer or two, I throw out at times.
However, we all know there isn’t really a one size fits all answer. Everyone is different.
That said, there is an answer, and although it’s not a specific period of time, it’s very measurable and very important. The simple answer is, it’s never a good time to be in the dating game if you aren’t at the top of your self-esteem and self-love game. I’ve had clients who experienced painful divorces who were able to get their act together, develop a strong sense of self-worth, treat themselves lovingly and date with great success in a matter of weeks.
I personally have suffered the effects of not getting my self-worth in a clean place before hitting the market and attracting a reflection of my less than perfect self-worth in the form of relationships that flat out sucked. For a lot of years I didn’t feel right with my money stuff. I felt a little desperate, a little insecure around income, a little unsteady.
Not too surprisingly I attracted men who couldn’t hold a job, even though I was usually working two or three. The worse my self-esteem was the more dangerous the relationships got.
It doesn’t take rocket science to see how this works. If you think you're overweight, even by a little you are much more likely to settle for someone less than perfect when they come along and show you some attention. If you think you aren’t as smart as other people, you aren’t likely to feel worthy of the affection of a very intelligent partner. If you think your finances are shaky and you feel self-conscious about that, it will be hard to start a real relationship with a wealthy partner. You simply don’t feel worthy.
You simply don’t feel worthy.
So, it’s easy to see why it’s worth getting your self-love house in order is step one before dating. It’s also easy to see how any investment you make in dialing that down is likely to pay dividends in attracting a much more attractive mate. If you want a 100% great person in your life, you have to believe 100% that you are worthy of that on every level. Otherwise, it’s too easy to compromise and settle.
Now I’d like to say you rock just the way you are. However, me thinking that is pointless. So, I don’t know if that twenty pounds are standing between you and the love of your life, but if you think that, lose the twenty pounds or do some work on your thoughts before you do any work on that online profile. If you need to clean up your finances do it, or get yourself to a feel good place about what is in that department. If you think you don’t have much to offer, get some friends, and some hobbies, and some smarts about some things.
Whatever it takes to make you fall in love with you, will make it much more likely the right person out there can fall in love with you too. And then, and only then, is it safe to date.
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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.
Posted on 06/21/2011 at 12:00:00 AM