I used to be married to a man that drank too much and slept around. I honestly believe the single most cruel and hurtful thing a person can do to their spouse is to not coming home without calling. My Ex did that a lot. However, that habit of his caused me to develop an awkward relationship with a woman over the phone who would change my life.
At first, it started with him calling and saying, “Don’t hold dinner for me. We have a dinner meeting with prospects. I’ll be home around nine or ten.” He wouldn’t get home until midnight. Then I learned not to panic until about half an hour after bars closed.
The first night he didn’t come home at all was horrible. In a tearful fit at about 4 a.M. In the morning I figured there had to be a good reason he wasn’t home. He must have been in an accident. So, I called the highway patrol. That was the first time I spoke to Deputy Storms. She gently reassured me he hadn’t been in a car accident.
Over the next few months, I called more times than I care to admit, or could probably even count. Consistently the voice on the other end of the line was Deputy Storms. At first, the thought he’d been in an accident was horrifying. Eventually, I came to hope he had been in an accident because the alternative to where he might be was even more painful.
One morning at 4:30 a.M. I hesitantly made the call. Deputy Storms gently assured me there had been no car accident. In a desperate sigh, I said, “Is he ever going to stop doing this?”
She said something to me so obvious, yet so on the mark, it changed my life. “No, dear. He probably isn’t. Are you?”
There is was. There’s nothing like 4 a.M. Truth. It cuts to your bones.
Three weeks later, sitting in a car in front of my ex-husband's office I told him it was time for a divorce. He agreed.
When you are being a hurt by another person the only person who can make that stop is you. You always have the power. You are never powerless to stop your own suffering. You can always change your thoughts or change your situation. I personally couldn’t change my thoughts about my husband’s affairs. So, I opted for the later. However, it was never up to him to stop my suffering. It was up to me all along.
Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.
Posted on 12/05/2012 at 12:00:00 AM