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Posted by on Aug 26, 2014 in relationships | 4 comments

Serial Killers, Urban Planning, and The Pursuit of Happiness

loa relationship coachBy:  Lisa Hayes

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about whether or not I’m enjoying my life as much as I should.  A dear friend of mine pointed out I do this about every six months, so it’s not new.  I’ve got a pretty sweet gig all around.  I’ve got an amazing husband.  Two of the most fantastic boys ever.  I live in a beautiful home in a wonderful community.  I do work I love and get paid very well for it.  I have a lot of freedom and space in my schedule. I’m healthy.  It’s pretty much perfect, and yet, I still wonder, if I’m getting what I want from all of this wonderfulness.  There is a big part of me that gets easily bored and boredom is a dangerous thing.

About a month ago I came unsettlingly close to reconfiguring everything I’ve built in my life and applying for law school.  While I was filling out my law school application, I was thinking about how much I really wanted to do forensic psychology.  I’m also permanently fixated with moving to Hawaii while I currently live in one of the most beautiful places anywhere.  I quite literally coach some of the most interesting people on the planet, and you’d think that would be enough to keep my attention, but recently I’ve found myself distracted with researching serial killers online and pouring through raw food boards on Pinterest.  Trust me, I know that doesn’t sound healthy.

I’ve been joking around about my midlife crisis.  I am very aware time is playing tricks on my brain.  I’m 46 and it’s obviously bothering my that I’m probably never going to be an attorney, not that I really want to be one, but it’s bugging me.  It’s also bothering me that I will probably never have a daughter, be a brain surgeon, or be President of the United States.

So, what’s girl to do when she’s having a midlife crisis?  I went to Vegas for four days.  I came home tired but no less bored.

I struggle with this voice in my head that keeps reminding me there has to be more.

More of what I’m not sure.

So, a few days ago, when I should have been preparing for a session with a new client, I was instead listening to an interview with an urban planner online.  Even as I write that I’m secretly hoping none of my clients will read this and think I’m a bad coach.  However, it turned out to be a good thing because he said something that caught my attention.

He said, “Urban sprawl is a blight on society and it’s avoidable.  Growth has to happen, but it doesn’t have to sprawl.  We don’t have to go wide to expand.  The responsible path to growth is to grow within the existing footprint of our community.  It’s about rethinking the spaces we already have and engineering them to more up to date with the current needs.”

And in that moment asked myself a couple of key questions.

How can I grow within the existing footprint of my life?

How can I engineer my current life to be more up to date with my current needs?

Those two questions have put a dent, if not a full stop, in my midlife crisis.

Instead of creating sprawl in my life I’m dialed down into creating more depth in what I already have.  That both feels like a breath of fresh air, and a fairly major undertaking.  I’m a fan of reinvention.  I’ve done a lot of it in my life.  However, at some point it becomes a distraction from actual deep, penetrating, well thought out, growth.

My current goal is to excavate the footprint of my life for more of what I’m looking for.  It’s about the details of what is rather than the distraction of what’s not.   It’s about going inside instead of chasing something outside.  Go figure.

Orison Swett Mardin said, “Don’t wait for extraordinary opportunities.  Seize common occasions and make them great.”   I’m thinking of getting that tattooed on my forearm. That seems like a more appropriate midlife crisis activity than running for President.


Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan. She is also co-founder of Good Vibe Coach Academy, specializing in LOA Coach Training. To get Lisa's FREE Audio, "How to Talk to a Man" click here. You may also purchase her book - Score Your Soulmate.


  1. Thank you Lisa, this article was so on point….love the quote by O.S. Mardin.

  2. When I hear an urban planner talk like that, I immediately think about how things are happening in a lot of our cities now. Neighborhoods that were once made up of modest houses on lots big enough for a kid to throw a football are being ‘rethought and engineered’ into places where yards, if there are any, are postage stamp sized and many multifamily structures and retail venues are being built. In short, the places where there used to be space are being filled up. Places where there was space to think, space to dream, space to feel a certain amount of freedom. I think we have to leave some space in our lives for that, too.

  3. I think you’d make a great president.

    Just sayin’. :)

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