The Break Up
Today, I broke up with Binge eating.
It is like all break ups: sad, angry, and with a deep sense of profound relief. “Binge” and I, have been in an on-off relationship for about 17 years. I yearn for us to have a prosperous and long life together. I thought I was in love. He seemed to be always there, for me. Whenever I was having an awful day at work, or when I had spinning wheels. He offered comfort, an immediate check-out, and what I thought, was peace.
It was fake love.
He didn’t love me back. He took everything, without providing me thing that I crave most: freedom. I wanted freedom from the worry-thoughts in my mind, freedom from other people judgments, and even freedom from my own expectations. When I kissed Binge, I was down to the rabbit hole. I cried for freedom, yet I was slave to Binge. I only needed a kind whispered, and there I was, back to his arms again.
During all this time, I tried to convince myself. I really wanted this to work well. I pushed, and pushed, and negotiated, and rationalized. I paid no attention to my intuition; I tried so hard to silence that patient Voice that already knew the Truth.
I wasn’t being myself. I had to change, to hide, and to be ashamed so I could be with Binge.
It was not love, nor could it possibly be.
Today, in an instant I knew the spell was broken. I am no longer slave.
It’s over. I deserve better.
I know the feeling of a break up. I’ve been here before.
I know it is sad. I know it hurts. I know it seems like it will last forever and that sometimes life doesn’t seem worth living.
It is OK to feel lost. It is OK to miss. It is OK to cry. It’s OK to feel empty, with a huge void inside.
The lie is over.
I am ready to heal. Slowly, in silence…
I am ready for Truth.
Guest Post by:
Jessica Vazquez, Free Yourself Thin . Jessica is a Weight and Body Image Coach that works with professional women, whose only pending achievement is having reached a healthy weight.
Jessica is generously offering a
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