There are few things in life that are absolute, but trust between two people is one of them. (tweetable!) You can’t sort of trust someone. You either do or you don’t. It’s pretty simple.
Based on the stakes, people can be really careless with little things that might cause damage to trust. I had one client who would lie to her husband about how much she spent at the mall. She wasn’t lying about that much. She’d just fudge the numbers a little bit. She’d say she spend $200 when she’d really spent $275.00. Actually she’d only done it a few times, more than once, but not frequently. When he found out he assumed she was lying about other things. He tore their relationship apart trying to figure out what about. She blamed him for their troubles when she started it over $75.00.
I had another client who had a shared facebook account with his wife. They’d agreed on doing it that way. Before his 15th high school reunion, he started a private one. He did have a thought of using it communicate with his high school girlfriend. He didn’t intend to cheat on his wife, but he knew she wouldn’t appreciate him communicated with a high school flame. He did neither actually, cheat with or communicate with his ex. A couple of his old football buddies friended him on Facebook, and referenced the pictures he’d posted at the reunion, in front of his wife, who had the heart sinking feeling he was hiding something from her and of course he was, something small, but she couldn’t see it that way. If it was so innocent why did he hide it? It ate her up.
The problem is trust is never a given. It’s earned, and it’s much harder to repair once broken than it was to build in the first place. Even the small things can do damage that can be irreparable, because trust is so fragile, and absolute. A relationship without trust is divisive and corrosive on many levels and love has a hard time growing there.
So, if you’re going to be in a relationship remember, trust is absolute. It is or it isn’t. Anything less than real trust and honesty creates shadows around the love that you want to create. (tweetable!) Before you risk it, carelessly or intentionally ask yourself if it’s worth the cost. If you want to stay together I can almost guarantee it’s not.