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Posted by on Dec 27, 2013 in dating | 5 comments

What You Need To Do Before You Start Dating

loa relationship coach

 

By:  Lisa Hayes

If you don’t believe something exists, no matter how badly you want it, chances of you getting it are pretty slim. Let’s face it, we’d all like to have a pet unicorn, but I bet none of us are building glittery stables, or checking out Craiglist for the Unicorn listings in the pets and farm animals category. Might seem obvious. However, you’d be surprised how many women are looking for their dream man who think all men are dogs, and I’m not talking in the cute and cuddly way.

When I ask a woman who is dating how many cool men she has in her life, or even knows through other people, it’s not at all uncommon for her to say, “none”. Chances are that woman has had a lot of evidence in her previous dating life that men suck. Probably when she’s looking at her married friends, she sees a lot of a**hole husbands. She might hate her male co-worker(s), and think her brother is an idiot. She may even have “daddy issues”.

That woman should not be dating, and yet, very often she is.
She has Unicorn Syndrome and Unicorn Syndrome leads down a trail of broken hearts.


Life has a way of providing us evidence for whatever we choose to believe.

It’s a fact. That’s why personal perceptions can vary so widely from moment to moment, depending on who’s doing the perceiving.

At this point in my life, I see great guys everywhere. I have a lot of incredible men in my life. My dad is one of the greatest men that ever lived, and my sons are amazing. I’m married to the best guy on the planet. I have really cool male friends. I have some really top notch male clients. Heck, some of my ex’s are actually awesome.

And…
let me assure you, it wasn’t always that way.

There were many years of my life when I believed most men were either players, or liar loser takers. That did not stop me from dating though. I had Unicorn Syndrome. However, I’ll give you three guesses what kind of men I ended up dating. Let’s just say, they weren’t awesome dudes.

At some point, I realized the insanity of my pursuit and decided dating was a lost cause.

loa relationship coachThank heavens a couple of my friends actually landed some really incredible men. Watching them seal the deal on happily ever after broke the evil spell. I finally began to believe the illusive and formerly mythical “good guy” still existed. Once I noticed that, evidence that supported that new belief started showing up in spades.

If you don’t see a whole bunch of really great men in and around your life, you have no business dating. Trust me, it’s not because they don’t exist. It’s because you’re current beliefs are blocking you from the evidence that they do.

If you’ve got Unicorn Syndrome, take yourself off the market until you’ve massaged your beliefs and see evidence all around you that it’s raining epic men. It doesn’t take much evidence to open the door to a flood of possibility. It IS raining epic men, so you’ve got the light of the truth to guide you on this quest.



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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of How to Escape from Relationship Hell, The Passion Plan, and Body Love Boot Camp. She is also co-founder of Good Vibe Coach Academy, specializing in LOA Coach Training. To get Lisa's FREE Audio, "How to Talk to a Man" click here.



5 Comments

  1. You know …
    I’m well aware there’s actual science behind this precept; it’s not just mumbo-jumbo. It has to do with the RAS in the brain.

    What I would really like to know — and what no dating & relationship “expert” or “guru” seems to have an articulable answer about — is what the reasonable timeline seems to be between this

    a) “I finally began to believe the illusive and formerly mythical “good guy” still existed. Once I noticed that”

    and this

    b) “evidence that supported that new belief started showing up in spades.”

    Because I can point to plenty of evidence in my life that “a)” exists. I work with some, my friends are married to some, and my mom’s friends are married to some.

    So the presence of “a)” is something I’ve been watching for a generation now.

    The presence of “b)” though …?

    “Not so much” is the best stab I can make at an understatement.

    So — what about it, coach …?

  2. Hello Lisa,
    I love this post – the Unicorn metaphor makes so much sense to me!
    I feel like I’m blocking the good evidence, too. I have no interest in dating but I would love to make some really good friends. However, I don’t believe in finding kindred spirits (anymore) or even in good friendships. (Besides … your post made me realize that I don’t know *any* “cool men” in my life and it would be nice to change that.)
    How would one go about creating and seeing new evidence – any tips? Would be much appreciated!
    Thank you!
    Michaela

  3. Timing is everything, isn’t it? There are so many variables in the timeline of two hearts that only a fool or a 900 line psychic would tell you they could predict when he will show up.
    Knowing he might exist is only one step. So, although you have evidence he might be real, my next question is do you believe or have evidence that “he” might actually be real in your life someday?

  4. I’d start by going very broad. Look for cool men that have no connection to you or anyone you know, and then work in from there.
    A few great places to observe awesome men are:
    The dog park
    Starbuck’s on Sunday afternoon
    A marina or anywhere near water really
    A playground
    A Habitat for Humanity build site

    Once you start noticing them out in their natural environment, you can start looking for them a little closer in to your environment, like place you shop, or play. Then when you can see them there, start looking for cool dudes in the lives of people you know. Before you know it, they’ll be showing up everywhere.

  5. Know the signs that you are ready to date. It is important that you free yourself from relationship baggage before jumping back into the dating scene. Remember that relationships end for a variety of reasons; it may not be your fault. Don’t let feelings of loneliness or revenge cause you to rush into a “quick-fix” relationship. During this time, try to reflect (not dwell) on your past relationship and what you can learn from it. Make a list of all the things that make you great when you go for a new date. Don’t believe that you need to seek out a relationship right away. If you feel confident in your personal strengths and accomplishments, and are truly happy with whom you are as an individual, you might find the date enjoyable. The key to dating is to go at your own pace. No one should be pressuring you into seeking out a new relationship. Try dating for fun without it needing to result in a relationship right away.

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  1. Unicorns and Jerks | My Fearless Life - […] This article was almost completely ripped off from the incomparable Lisa Hayes.  Her original post here! […]

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