The Intelligence of Desire

Women are often remarkably good at explaining why they shouldn't want what they want.

They can produce a very convincing argument.

It's impractical. It's expensive. It's selfish. It's too late. It's ridiculous at my age. I have a perfectly good life. Other people would be grateful to have what I have.

And perhaps the most persuasive argument of all: I don't really need it.

As though needing something were the only legitimate reason to have it.

I think a lot of women have spent so much of their lives being sensible that they have become suspicious of their own appetites.

Not just sexual appetites, although certainly those.

The appetite for beauty. For adventure. For solitude. For luxury. For making something that has absolutely no practical purpose. For being somewhere unfamiliar. For having an afternoon that belongs entirely to them.

For becoming someone they haven't been before.

Desire is interesting because it doesn't always arrive with an explanation.

Sometimes you want something long before you understand why.

If you've been trained to filter every decision through responsibility, usefulness, and what other people might think, that can be deeply uncomfortable.

So you talk yourself out of it.

You call it a phase. A fantasy. A midlife crisis. An indulgence.

You go back to being reasonable.

I wonder how much information women lose about themselves by dismissing what they want before they've even had a chance to investigate it.

I don't believe every desire needs to be acted upon. Some desires are fleeting. Some are contradictory. Some would make an absolute mess of your life.

But I do believe they deserve to be heard.

Because desire can tell you something about the woman you are becoming that your carefully constructed plans haven't caught up with yet.

You are allowed to want things that aren't necessary.

You are allowed to be curious about a life you haven't lived.

You are allowed to have a beautiful life and still be hungry for something extraordinary.

And you don't have to justify that hunger by turning it into another self-improvement project.

Sometimes wanting something is enough reason to begin paying attention.

This is part of the work we do in private coaching. We take your desires seriously without automatically treating them as instructions. We explore what they reveal, what they might require, and how your actual life could make room for more of what matters to you.



Because I am not particularly interested in helping women become better at talking themselves out of being alive.

Message me if you'd like to explore working together.