At this point, a woman would have to be doing something genuinely harmful before I would consider making her the subject of my public energy - and I am saying this because this morning alone, I have seen several posts by women, dragging other women, for frankly unimportant shit, AND we just can’t keep doing that.
If another woman has become such a problem to you that you feel compelled to stop what you are doing, compose a post, and publicly criticize her over something trivial, like using AI, editing a photo, being “too political,” being “too negative,” being too visible, too outspoken, too ambitious, or simply too much, then the issue may not be her.
It may be your lack of perspective.
We are living in a time of real stakes. Rights are under attack. Violence is real. Economic instability is real. Exploitation is real. WAR is REAL. Women are carrying impossible emotional, financial, and social burdens while navigating systems that were never designed for our freedom.
So, forgive me if I find it deeply unimpressive when women choose to spend their intelligence, energy, and public voice policing other women over non-fucking-sense.
That is not discernment.
That is not sophistication.
And it is certainly not class.
Class is knowing the difference between what is worth addressing and what is beneath your attention.
Class is having the maturity to distinguish between actual harm and personal irritation.
Class is resisting the reflex to publicly diminish another woman just because she expressed herself in a way that offended your taste, triggered your conditioning, or challenged your comfort.
Not every woman you dislike is your enemy.
Not every woman who does things differently is a threat.
Not every imperfect choice a woman makes deserves a public tribunal.
If a woman is causing real harm, say so plainly.
But if your grievance is that she used a tool you do not like, curated her image, spoke too boldly, refused to soften her tone, or declined to package herself in a way that makes you comfortable, that is not moral courage.
That is misdirected frustration dressed up as a critique.
And too often, it is just internalized misogyny in a more socially acceptable outfit.
Women have been trained for generations to monitor one another, rank one another, humble one another, and punish one another for stepping outside the lines. The details change, but the mechanism stays the same: keep women self-conscious, divided, and easier to control.
So before making another woman your public target, directly or indirectly, it is worth asking a better question:
Did she actually do harm?
Or did she simply violate a rule you were taught women are supposed to obey?
Because those are not the same thing.
Whatever petty beef you have with another woman probably did not start with her.
It started in the patriarchy.
It started in systems that profit from female insecurity and female conflict.
It started in standards designed to keep women competing with each other instead of confronting what is actually oppressing us.
Frankly, women who cannot tell the difference between structural harm and superficial annoyance should be a little less eager to posture as the authority on what other women are doing wrong.
That may sound sharp, but it is true.
At a certain point, publicly nitpicking other women over trivialities is not a sign of intelligence. It is a sign of small thinking.
It is not elegant.
It is not elevated.
It is not feminist.
It is not even particularly interesting.
It is a distraction.
And at this point, it is an embarrassingly unserious one.
If you need somewhere to direct your outrage, direct it where it belongs.
Toward the systems that exploit women.
Toward the standards that diminish women.
Toward a culture that trains women to tear each other apart while the people benefiting from all of it remain untouched.
Because women being “too much” has never been the real problem.
The real problem is a world that taught women to mistake each other for the enemy —
—and yes, one might say, I am doing the same thing with this post - maybe-
-one might say I used AI to write it - I absolutely did use AI to edit it, thank you Grammerly-
- one might say I used AI to fix my face in this photo to look younger - yes, I did bump up the exposure and shadows to give my tired mug a little more dimension. The one of me in the snow is completely fake, obviously. I live in Mexico. I thought it was fun. Sue me.
One can say whatever they like, about me and whatever I put on my own damn page. However, until we stop saying shit about each other that doesn’t matter and start talking about things that change and chain us, I am uninterested in commentary on whether or not now Facetune is shallow when fascism is running untethered.
I want to chat about the things you obsess over when you lie awake at night. I want to unpack your dreams and your nightmares. I want to talk about who you were before all that shit dimmed your shine and how to get her back.
I’m not here to fix you because I don't think you're broken—I’m here to help you fall in love with yourself and your life again. No mood shaming, no gaslighting, just real, transformative coaching from someone with three decades of experience. Ready to reclaim your fire? Let’s set some sparks flying. DM me or check me out online at https://www.lisamhayes.com .
You can also find me at https://www.thecoachingguild.com/ if you’re interested in coach training.
