The male gaze trains women to ask one question all day long:
Do they like it?
Do they approve.
Do they want it.
Do they think it is pretty.
Do they think it is sexy.
Do they think it is acceptable.
This is not just a social problem. It is an economic one. Capitalism runs beautifully on female self surveillance. If a woman believes her value is visible, measurable, and always at risk, she will spend money trying to stabilize it. She will spend time trying to manage it. She will spend energy trying to perform it.
And she will call it self improvement.
So when I say I am decentering the male gaze, I do not mean I am becoming invisible. I mean I am becoming unavailable to the constant audition.
I am refusing to live as a product.
The shift that changes everything.
The male gaze asks: Do they like it?
I am asking: Do I feel like myself in it?
That is the whole door.
Because a look is designed to be evaluated.
A vibe is designed to be inhabited.
A look can be a costume.
A vibe is an inner climate.
A look can be purchased.
A vibe is authored.
When you commit to a vibe, your choices start serving you instead of performing for the room.
You can still be beautiful.
You can still be sensual.
You can still be dressed like art.
But the center changes.
Not chosen. Self-chosen.
Not approved. Self-possessed.
Not palatable. Present.
What committing to a vibe does to your nervous system
The gaze pulls your attention outward.
A vibe pulls your attention home.
A vibe asks: what do I want to feel like today?
What do I want to radiate?
What am I devoted to?
What am I refusing?
A vibe turns getting dressed into a kind of self-trust practice. Not because your clothes are magic, but because your attention is.
And when your attention belongs to you, you stop leaking power.
A simple practice: Vibe First
Before you decide what to wear, what to post, what to say, or how to enter a room, ask one question:
What is my vibe today?
Pick one word.
Sovereign.
Unbothered.
Devoted.
Iconic.
Soft.
Lethal.
Holy.
Free.
Then let your look become an expression of that word.
Not a plea.
Not an apology.
Not a negotiation.
An expression.
My vibe for today, honestly most days: Unbothered
Unbothered does not mean numb.
It means I keep my energy.
It means I do not turn every glance into a referendum on my worth.
It means I do not volunteer for the role of entertainer, comfort object, or aesthetic service provider.
It means I can be seen without performing.
I am here.
I am dressed.
I am alive.
I am not auditioning.
