The trauma is real and you're probably experiencing it

And here's the thing about trauma: It screws with your mind and your body in ways you may or may not recognize.  

There are many reasons trauma is almost universal at this point. The global experience of being human is f*cking hard. The pandemic, political unrest, racism, economic uncertainty, those things are a shared trauma. 

Littered in the pieces of those shared traumas are countless personal traumas, like job loss, or the death or illness of a loved one, potentially even being sick yourself. 

This is what we're doing collectively at this moment in history. Trauma is our shadowy companion. It's time we start to understand it better.

There are three main types of trauma:

Acute trauma: 

This results from a single stressful or dangerous event.

Chronic trauma: 

This results from repeated and prolonged exposure to highly stressful events. 

Complex trauma: 

This results from exposure to multiple traumatic events.

Secondary trauma, or vicarious trauma, is another form of trauma: 

With this form of trauma, a person develops trauma symptoms from close contact with someone who has experienced a traumatic event.

The good news about trauma, (sometimes), is most people can experience a single-serving trauma and work through it on their own to get themselves back to a good place again with time. However, it doesn't always happen that way. Sometimes the human brain gets stuck and recovery doesn't come easily or without help.

That said, most people at this point are not having a single traumatic experience. Almost everyone is experiencing both chronic and complex traumas. This isn't even taking into account hyper-vigilance. 

The hyper-vigilance of having to weigh and measure the real-life risks of every, everyday decision is taking a toll. Humans are not supposed to live in a constant state of hyper-vigilance. We aren't wired for this. It's not healthy, emotionally, or physically. We've all been in a state of hyper-vigilance not just for days or weeks, but months. The body and the psyche can only take so much. It's a lot. It might be too much. 

This is a very long way of saying, you might not be ok right now. 

• denial
• anger
• fear
• sadness
• shame
• confusion
• anxiety
• depression
• numbness
• guilt
• hopelessness
• irritability
• difficulty concentrating
• headaches
• brain fog
• mental and emotional exhaustion
• loss of appetite
• changes in eating patterns
• weight gain or weight loss
• sleep disruptions
• disturbing dreams
• digestive symptoms
• fatigue
• racing heart
• sweating
• feeling jumpy

When you look at that list, chances are you will see yourself there. If you don't, you might want to check it again, and then check yourself frequently. 

You might be thinking, "Yeah, I'm going through some of that but all things considered, that's normal." Which by the way, is the very point. Experiencing the things on that list, or even all of the things on that list is in fact, normal. However, just because it's normal doesn't mean you should ignore the reality that you might not be ok. Most of us are just treading water. Some are sinking. 

We are in the murky middle parts some really difficult stuff. We might not see a light at the end of the tunnel for a while, maybe even a long time. We're going to get through this, but this may be the most significant public mental health crisis in modern history. We can't pretend it's business as usual. 

Here are the four things that might be most important for staying mentally and physically afloat: 

1.  Lower your expectations on everything. Go so low you hardly recognize your former over-achieving self. Systems are not functioning "normally" and neither are people. If you get yourself and your family through the day, you are a winner. Plan on being less productive. Part ways with perfectionism. Partner up with deep compassion as a way of getting through the day. Embrace uncertainty. No one has a f*cking clue what's happening or what's going to happen. So, if you're lost, take a deep breath and surrender. All the cool kids are lost right with you.

2.  Elevate your self-care to meet the rising stress demands in your life. I'm not going to tell you what self-care should look like for you. If you'd like some help figuring that out, here is a resource. Figure out what you need and then go on ahead and double or triple that. You might be thinking that is unrealistic because self-care would be a full-time job - and maybe it should be. Self-care is the most consistent path to sanity. Unfortunately, when the sh*t hits the fan, self-care usually wanes when we need it the most. Getting to the other side of this intact is going to depend on the investments you make in wellbeing and wellness now.  

3.  Breathe. Breathe deeply and regularly. You might even want to breathe on schedule. Breathing resets the parasympathetic nervous system to normal levels. Anxiety in and of itself isn't bad or dangerous. However, the unchecked run-up of anxiety, hour after hour, day after day gets very toxic, emotionally, and physically. Regular deep breathing resets your physiology and therefore calms your emotional state. Set an alarm hourly. Take several deep breaths.  

4.  If you need help, ask for it. Get in the habit of asking for help before you want to. Most people wait too long. You want to ask for help before you lose your sh*t or fall completely apart. You might need help keeping your house clean. You might need some childcare backup. You might need help managing your stress or anxiety. It may not be easy to find but when it comes to getting help, failure is not an option. Needing help is not a weakness. Asking for help is a high functioning skill. 

Here is the thing: I can fully admit, I am not functioning at my best a lot of the time at this point. I will even admit there are moments or even days I am not ok. And you know what? That's fine. It's normal. It's human.  

For the first time in the history of humans, we are all in this together in a way we've never been before. What I value more than ever is people supporting people. If you need support that I can offer, I am here for you and you know where to find me. We can be human together.