You Might Not Want to Hear it BUT Maybe You Are Not Really Exhausted

theomzone • May 5, 2021

EXHAUSTION MIGHT BE A SMOKESCREEN THAT HIDES SOMETHING ELSE.

I am painfully familiar with exhaustion. Frankly, I have anchored a significant portion of my work around helping women find themselves in the fog of fatigue and burnout.

That work comes naturally to me because my role there is more like a sherpa than a coach. I have climbed that mountain and found my way back down more than a few times. Exhaustion is a part of the job description for most women.

That said, the problem might not be exhaustion at all. A bigger problem than exhaustion is what I might call the exhaustion bypass. You can eventually sleep your way out of fatigue. However, if you are suffering from a bypass, all the sleep in the world will not fix it.

If you've been exhausted for too long, sometimes we start misinterpreting everything that doesn't feel good as exhaustion.

Dissatisfaction isn't exhaustion, but if you've been tired too often for too long, your brain might tell you dissatisfaction is exhaustion.

Being depressed isn't exhaustion, but if you've been exhausted too often for too long, your brain might tell you your depression is exhaustion.

Boredom isn't exhaustion, but if you've been tired too often for too long, your brain might tell you boredom is exhaustion.

Anxiety isn't exhaustion, but if you've been fatigued too often for too long, your brain might tell you anxiety is exhaustion.

Being in a marriage that isn't fulfilling might feel like exhaustion.

Home, work, kids, pets, parents, and the PTA might be draining you, but you might not be physically tired even though that is how it feels.

Maybe you are actually physically ill instead of physically tired.

When your brain starts telling you, you are exhausted when really what you are is unhappy, sleep will not fix it. I'm guessing you might be able to relate because I do not know a single woman who hasn't experienced the kind of bone-tired that sleep wouldn't fix.

The problem is when you are trying to fix your unhappiness that feels like exhaustion with rest, you will forever feel buried under the fog of it because you aren't addressing what's actually ailing you.

And, as you're reading this, I can hear you out there saying, ¨Sure, that might be true for some people. However, not for me. I really am just fucking too tired to see straight, AND I have zero time to get the rest I need.¨

To which I say, maybe, maybe not. I would get curious enough to explore what might be happening under the surface.

How?

1. Ask yourself many times every day, ¨What do I need right now?¨

Chances are high, the first answer you will get will be SLEEP. However, if you keep inquiring with yourself, you may eventually find your way into the heart of the matter.

Maybe you need alone time.

Maybe you need downtime in nature.

Maybe you need to call a friend or have coffee with your sister.

Practice asking yourself what you need every two waking hours for two weeks. I can almost promise you that you will get some internal guidance eventually, which will start a healing process you don't expect.

2. Do a tolerations inventory.

Sit down with pen and paper and write a list of every single thing you are tolerating. As tolerations start to build, it can begin reading as exhaustion real quick. The distance between where you are and where you want to be an almost always be measured in tolerations.

Tolerations, both huge and tiny, have an impact on how you experience life satisfaction. You might be tolerating riding around in a messy car that has a check engine light on. You might be tolerating the pile of mail that stacks up on that table where everything else is stacked up. You might be tolerating a relationship with a partner you don't fully trust.

Whatever you tolerate will make you feel physically drained when it is actually a mental game.

Make your tolerations list ruthlessly. It might take you a few days to get it all on paper. Then get to work creating freedom by eliminating tolerations. With every toleration you manage, you will reclaim the energy that toleration has been costing you. It won't take long before you notice the effort that it takes is relieving your exhaustion.

3. Give yourself a different kind of rest.

Try meditation or brain rest consistently and see if it makes a difference. We all know the benefits of meditation. Most high-performers I know meditated daily, some more than once a day. People who are exhausted often say they can't meditate. Most of those people don't actually try.

The science on meditation is indisputable. It is good for almost everything that ails almost everyone. However, it is 100% ineffective if you do not do it. It takes upwards of three weeks to start experiencing the benefits of the practice. So, start meditating and stick with it.

As an alternative or supplementation to meditation, you might consider brain rest. Some might call it eye rest. Eye rest is exactly what it sounds like it would be. Give yourself 10-30 minutes a day to sit and do nothing.

No TV

No music

No social media

No screens of any kind

No conversations

No list-making

No forcing yourself to meditate or police your thoughts

Nothing.

Gently rest your focus on a tree outside or on your cat on your lap. Do jack shit for a specified period of a few minutes at a time. It will probably make you feel like crawling out of your skin for the first few attempts. However, brain rest will eventually give you the kind of space and peace in your head you haven't had before.

Whatever you do or don't do, break the habit of accepting the feeling of being exhausted as being absolutely true every time. The feeling tired might be a gentle or not so gentle reminder you need rest OR it might be the great deception that allows you to avoid healing what needs healing.

Taking a nap might be just what the doctor ordered, or it might be the highest form of escapism. You owe it to yourself to figure out what your exhaustion is trying to tell you.

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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the hit books, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan. Lisa also trains the worlds best coaches at www.thecoachingguild.com.

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