Blessed be the ungrateful ones

Dear Ungrateful One,

I see you.

I see you feeling the pressure to find the lost things you once felt thankful for.

I see you feeling alone when others are together.

I see you feeling numb, or anxious, or even enraged when the game of the week is to see who can be the most enraptured with gratitude. 

I see you bargaining with yourself, soothing yourself, trying to console yourself when the world seems like gratitude is on display everywhere and you feel ungrateful.

Life can be hard.

It can be too short or too long.

Life cannot be what it was a year ago.

Things change, and sometimes it doesn't feel like they change for the better.

Sometimes things get worse.

Sometimes the sting of loss leaves an aftertaste that cannot be remedied with turkey or pie.

On a day, in a week, when you feel like the gratitude competition is rigged in favor of literally everyone else, failure to find your thanks can be isolating, sometimes even in togetherness.

It is okay to be and feel messy.

It is okay to ache to be with others when it seems you're always alone.

It is okay to want to isolate.

It is okay to feel despair.

It is okay to be angry.

It is okay to be ungrateful.

This week will pass.

Thanksgiving day will only be the same twenty-four hours other days are.

It will be no longer, no shorter, no more innately valuable than Thursday of next week or the week after.

There will be other holidays that might be better.

Maybe by Christmas, things will feel easier, maybe not.

Whatever it is, whatever you feel is just as valid, just as real, and just as important as the feelings of the grateful ones.

The grateful ones are no more worthy of peace and grace than you.

Sometimes grace is easier to find in the darkness than in the light.

Shadows might be safer than you think.

Do not judge your ungratefulness.

You are not failing.

You might be fragile.

You might feel fatigued to your core.

But your ungratefulness is not a failure, nor is it who you are -it is where you are today.

Dear Ungrateful One,

I see you and want you to know you are loved.

Blessed be those who feel they have lost what they hoped for or what they once held most dear.

Blessed be the ungrateful ones.