Are You Going Through the Motions?

I know I have been.

Let's just state the obvious. The energy you bring to anything matters, a lot. Showing up is one thing. It's an important thing. However, the energy you bring when you show up accounts for about 90% of the result.

Going through the motions is a thing that starts to happen anytime there is a lot of repetition. Life tends to serve up repetition in spades.

One of the biggest challenges couples face in a relationship is boredom. That daily repetition of tasks and routines becomes almost hypnotic. On the one hand, as humans, we crave consistency and certainty. On the other hand, the consistency can be lethal in relationships because without the stimulation of newness it can get easy to check out energetically and start going through the motions.

I'm going to be totally honest here, and that started with me being honest with myself. I haven't been bringing my A-game to my relationship from an energetic perspective for awhile now. I've been playing that game in most of my relationships for longer than I want to admit.

Sure, I've been showing up. People are getting fed, and the house is still running. However, I haven't been bringing my best energy. I haven't been committed to being present in an intentional way. I'm putting in the time, but I've been on energy conservation mode for too long. You can put a relationship in neutral and coast for awhile. However, eventually, it will start to roll backwards.

There is a difference between making dinner just to getting it on the table and intending to truly enjoy my family by bringing my best energy to the evening.

One of those things is going through the motions. One is actually investing carefully curated energy.

There is a difference between politely acknowledging my husband when he gets home at the end of the day and choosing to flow love and appreciation his way when he walks in the door.

One of those things is going through the motions. One is investing energy in something I want to create.

When you're just showing up, it might not count for as many points as you think it does. If I don't give some thought to the energy I'm investing I can't expect a fabulous feeling outcome. If I'm "phoning it in" when it comes to my relationships, they are going to feel flat.

If I'm feeling too tired, too complacent, or too bored to show up intentionally, that's on me. It's not about my circumstances because I create those.

Four questions I am asking myself right now when I'm relating to others:

1. How do I want to experience myself in this relationship?
2. Who do I want to be?
3. What do I want more of in the future and how can I be more of that now?
4. Will this person feel I love them based on how I'm showing up?

If I had to grade myself on those questions based on how I've been performing, I'd have to give myself a solid C-. I'm committed to doing better, and that commitment is purely selfish. I want better results than I've been getting. I know I'm responsible for delivering them. Up-leveling my energy investment is the only way to get there.


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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

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