I hear people complain frequently that their partner never apologizes. Two of the most powerful words in the english language are I’m sorry. However, the problem I see with those words, more often than not using them enough, is where people actually say “I’m sorry” more than they should, in situations they shouldn’t.
When the words “I’m sorry”, are overused they lose their effectiveness and don’t work quite the same way when you really need them to.
Here are five times not to say, “I’m sorry".
1. When you find yourself saying, “I’m sorry” for the same thing over and over again. If you’re not sorry enough to change the behavior, you're not sorry enough to apologize. At the very least acknowledge the truth and say you are sorry it keeps happening.
2. Don’t say “I’m sorry” just to avoid conflict. That is the most common misuse of the words I’m sorry. Saying you’re sorry just to avoid a fight won’t work very many times. It’s disingenuous and it feels that way every time.
3. Don’t say you’re sorry unless you’ve thought about it. For some people, women in particular, it’s a reflex. If something has gone wrong, it doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong. Use the words very intentionally, which probably means making a policy of pausing before saying them.
4. Do not apologize for other people. Pay attention to how often you might actually do that. It’s not your business to apologize for another, ever.
5. Don’t pre-apologize. That usually comes before saying something you know isn’t going to land well. “I’m sorry, but…” I shuts people down in advance because they know you are about to deliver something you do something that is going to hurt.
Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.
Posted on 09/20/2012 at 12:00:00 AM