You Might Want to Wait to Date and Here’s Why


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Of course the names and pertinent information of my client have been changed to protect her privacy in this story, which she was happy to share with all of you.

Kelsey was tired. She didn’t see herself as desperate, but she did feel like she was coming to the end of her rope. A year before we started working together, she went through a painful breakup of a relationship with a man she thought she was going to marry. She hadn’t seen it coming. In hindsight, all the signs were there, but when it happened it seemed really sudden.

After the breakup she lost her job and had to relocate for a new one. Living in a new city where she didn’t know very many people, she was lonely a lot of the time. She was struggling to get her feet under her at her new job and thought dating might be a good way to distract herself. The problem was, it wasn’t going well either.

When Kelsey looked in the mirror, she saw a woman who’d put on almost 20 pounds in a few months, who was struggling to find friends, let alone a man. She regretted moving to a new city, but she had no where else to be. All she knew was she didn’t want to be alone.

Kelsey once had very high standards. In fact, her friends used to tell her, her standards were too high. However, after her last date with a man who openly admitted he’d recently been released from jail, she realized her standards were shocking low, because she actually considered sleeping with him on their first date.

She didn’t. Maybe it was because she got very sick to her stomach over the Mexican food. Maybe she finally heard her inner wise voice screaming at her to go home – alone.

In my very first session I asked Kelsey if the man of her dreams was going to fall in love with someone who was showing up in her life the way she was. She was currently a woman who was happy for the attention of recently released convicts. She was uncertain, she didn’t like what she saw in the mirror, and she was more than a little needy. Would the man who would be her greatest love, fall in love with that?

Rough question. However, it’s a super important.

It would be nice if someone would put us on ice until we were at a place in our lives and with our vibration where we could attract exactly what we want. However, it doesn’t work that way. I never had any problem attracting men when I had no sense of self worth. I just attracted men who didn’t value me. I did it more than once.

Kelsy was doing it on more than one front in her life. Her breakup had a massive impact on her overall sense of self worth and self love. However, she wasn’t on ice. She was out in the world attracting jobs she didn’t like, in cities she didn’t want to live in, going on dates with men who also had dates with parole officers.


If you aren’t rocking your self love you will get less than rocking outcomes. There is no way around that.

I’d like to say it was an overnight turn around for Kelsey. It wasn’t. It took six months for Kelsey to get to a place where she felt like she loved herself and her life again. However, that six months was a very good investment in her future.

Kelsey just had twins. They are the cutest little creatures ever. She is happily married to Scott who is working from home for the next few weeks to help her with the babies. They are both exhausted, but deliriously happy and in love, not just with each other, but with those babies. It didn’t happen by chance. It happened by design because she fell in love with herself first and found herself deliriously happy alone before she found herself there with someone else.

If you’re dominant vibration and your sense of self-love is lower than it should be, stop trying to create your future from that place. Stop in your tracks and get yourself to the place where you can be a match with happily-ever-after.

If you want more help finding the love of your life or building a life you truly love, check out

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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

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