Thin and Healthy are Two Different Things

I want to talk to you about your body and weight --

Let's be honest; if you identify as female, you have been trained from before you can remember to want to be as small as fucking possible.

Almost every healthy woman I know wants to take up less physical space. Statistics show seventy percent of women admit they want to lose weight. I think that number is low.

Some of the loudest voices in personal development and coaching started their careers in or straddled their message into the weight loss space. Women can talk about not playing small all day. However, it sounds shallow when the "don't play it small" crowd wants to literally be smaller AND they want you to be smaller too.

We can blame our mothers.

We can blame the media and advertising.

I blame the patriarchy and capitalism because a woman who takes up space without apology is about a thousand times less likely to comply,  conform, and consume. 

But I digress...

YOUR BODY DESERVES ALL THE SPACE SHE OCCUPIES.

Yes, I am yelling. I will shout this from the mountain top all day, every day, for the rest of forever.

The first order of business when fighting the patriarchy is learning to love the body you have right now. Doing anti-patriarchal work and claiming to be anti-capitalist while still hating on your body for existing is like trying to run a sprint on ice - you are going to fall down and probably injure yourself.

The patriarchy wants to make you so small you feel invisible.

Capitalism wants you to hate yourself, so you will spend money to buy worthiness.

Shame is the primary weapon of choice for both.

Loving your body is a subversive act of rebellion against oppressive systems. 

And I can hear it now...

"But what about my health - I need to lose weight to be healthier."

To which I say: Maybe - maybe not.

THIN AND HEALTHY ARE NOT THE SAME THING.

Ask anyone who has ever been life-threateningly ill.

The BMI is medical trash built on pseudo-science. 

Research shows that women who are slightly "overweight" live longer and healthier than women who are "normal weight".

Studies done by dating websites consistently demonstrate most men do not prefer model-body women. 

Everything you think you know about what's healthy for a woman was probably dreamt up by a man.

So, here is the hard but comforting truth.

IF YOU ARE TREATING YOUR BODY LOVINGLY, THE WAY YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD,  THE WEIGHT YOU ARE AT IS THE RIGHT WEIGHT FOR YOUR BODY.

If you are lovingly feeding your body with care and attention the way she deserves to be fed AND you are moving your body with compassion and joy the way she wants to be moved, your body will settle at her perfect balanced size. If that's not small enough to make you happy or to feel worthy, that's a you problem.

Going to war with your body for five, ten, fifteen, or even fifty pounds when you are taking care of your body with gentle compassion and genuine care is active self-harm.

If you are actively in a healthy relationship with your body and someone doesn't find your body attractive, you are not their type, no more, no less.

Your person will fall in love with your soul and inspire and empower you to live in balance.

Wanting to be thinner than the natural resting state of your body in balance so you can be more attractive IS peak patriarchal programming.

The cycles of the female body are fluid, literally.

She will shift and change, ebb and flow.

She can be strong and soft at the same time.

No one gets to dictate what your body should look like, frankly, not even you.

Full disclosure:  I am not taking care of my body the way I know she wants to be cared for right now. I am not taking her out to move every day. She craves that movement I am not giving her. 

Not too surprisingly, my body is carrying more fat with less muscle than she would like.

However, that's on me, not my body.

I have learned to love the body I have right now without needing her to be different, even when I am not treating her with the care she deserves.

That said, my body will never be healthy, size eight. If I get that small, something has gone wrong, and I know that. 

Get healthy - mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically healthy.

Do it for you.

Love the body you have right now.

Take up  all the space with joy.

Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the hit books, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan. Lisa also trains the worlds best coaches at www.thecoachingguild.com. 

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