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I Will Not Be Happy Until

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I hear it all the time. It goes something like this. “My goal weight is 130 pounds. I was there when I was 24 and haven’t seen it since. I’ve tried a thousand different diets. I’ve hired a trainer. I’ve taken a dozen different courses. I’ve taken pills. They made me crazy. I know what I need to do. It should be working, but it’s not. I just can’t get there. I can’t lose the last 25 pounds.

In my experience goal weight is not always a body’s natural set point. I’ve seen clients literally wage war with their body over a few pounds that would not give. The cost of that kind of war can be very high, financially, physically, and emotionally.

So, I often ask, “Let’s imagine you are doing everything you know you should do take care of your body the best way possible and you are doing it consistently. You are eating right and exercising regularly. You are loving your body every day and living in gratitude for the gifts she gives you. If you were doing everything you knew you should, would you be willing to let your body decide what weight she wanted to be? Would you be willing to stop fighting with her for those last pounds and just do right by her no matter what the scale says?


And that my friends is the question, well really it’s two questions.


Here’s another example of the same thing, different problem.

I want to be making $90,000 a year on my business. I know it’s possible because other people do it, but I’m coming up twenty grand short no matter what I do. I swear I’ve taken every training course on marketing there is. I’ve tried everything. I feel like I’m working all the time and yet it’s not happening. The money isn’t there. Well, it is there, other people are getting it. I’m not. I feel like a failure and I can’t figure out how to change that.


To which I might ask, “What if you putting all the training and know how to use and were really doing everything you should for your business every day, every single day? What if every day as you laid your head on your pillow you felt satisfied you’d done your best for your business? What if you played all the cards in your hand every day? Would you be willing to make peace with making $70,000 a year and trust the universe to work out the details? Would you be willing to invest your energy in the work you love and release the frustration, knowing you’re really truly doing your part and the universe will meet you halfway? Do you love your business enough to love it at $70,000 a year for now or forever?


Here’s yet another example of the same thing, and wrapped in a different package.


My husband and I have been in counseling for three years. We’ve learned all these communication tools and yet we still fight. I can’t tell you how many appreciation practices I’ve tried and quit because I just wore out. I feel like nothing really works, obviously, we’re still fighting. I love this man, I really, really do. I always have. But I’m just tired. Literally. I’m just not sure when it’s time to call it quits.”


To which I might ask, “Are you willing to use the tools you’ve learned every single day for a year and commit to staying married for at least that long. Are you willing to do an appreciation practice every day for a decade if that’s what it takes? Are you willing to make peace with the process of learning to be in a relationship because it is a process, and let go of the fantasy of a perfect marriage? Are you willing to love the husband you have today?


There are two question at play here:

#1. Are you really doing everything you know you should?


The answer is based on what each of us uniquely believes is required for success. What activates attraction is different for each of us based on our beliefs and focus. However, if you know what you need to be doing to lose the weight or make the money or stay married are you really doing it?


When we get quiet and honest with ourselves, that is often the germ of the anxiety. It’s not that “it’s” not working, whatever it is. The problem is we aren’t working “it” they way we know we should, so we create distractions, busy work, and excuses. We generate a dust storm of frustration to cloud the reality we aren’t really doing our thing. We get caught up in the war on our goal rather than the joy of the journey.


#2. The second question is, are you willing to make peace with what is in order to make room for your life?

Are you willing to make peace with your body, your income, your husband and let things be the way they are concentrating on making the most of today? Are you willing to make doing what you know you need to do to succeed the goal in and of itself?


These are questions I ask myself every day. It’s on me to move myself to be somewhere else, anywhere. I want to get to the goal. I do. Really bad. And that’s alright as long as I don’t make my goal responsible for my happiness. Outsourcing my happiness to anything outside this myself or this moment is lazy and it will never work. It doesn’t mean wanting things to be different than they are is bad.


It simply means putting off my happiness until things are different simply means I will never ever be happy.

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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

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