She's anxious. She's confused. She doesn't understand what's happened. She isn't even sure when it happened. Her husband has checked out. He hasn't left. They still live under the same roof. She has no reason to think he's cheating or anything like that. However, he isn't participating in their relationship anymore.
She's tried to talk to him about it. She's cried herself to sleep laying next to him. She's read every book. She's tried every tactic. She's spent a lot of money on lingerie. She says she's at the end of her rope. However, she also knows she doesn't want to leave.
I am the not the first, or the second, or the third person she is reached out to for help. She's asked him to go to therapy with her. He won't. He doesn't think there's a problem.
She won't admit it to herself, but she doesn't really believe anyone can help her. When I give her the only advice I have to offer, I'm pretty sure she wishes she hadn't called.
The only thing to do is get a life.
When a partner gets distant or goes cold, there are some things you can and should do. Naturally, you try to talk through it, and you try to get help. However, when those things fail, there is only one thing left to do.
Too often people lose themselves in relationships over time. Life gets hectic. Shit happens. People naturally change and grow. They become different than the person they were in the beginning.
However, for women, the greater risk is that becoming different means disappearing. When that happens relationships get stale pretty quick. The problem with stale is people can live in it for a long time.
When a woman decides she's going to reclaim herself, explore herself, and bloom, one of two things is going to happen. Either the man in her life that's been circling the parameter will start wondering what's happening at her party and re-engage or he won't.
If he doesn't re-engage, or even if he leaves, you're still ahead of the game, because you are a woman who has a life. However, your best shot at getting him to fall in love with you again is to be someone he'd fall in love with. That someone is a woman with a life.
An empty relationship is toxic. It will eat out your insides and vomit them up on you out of boredom. Living with someone who makes you feel unwanted or unseen erodes your sense of self and makes you question your value. Being dismissed but not cut loose feels like abuse.
When your focusing on what's not there, you also aren't focused on yourself. Focusing on yourself is not selfish. It's good medicine. It's the spark of evolution. It makes you a more interesting woman.
Go out with your friends.
Get yourself back into a yoga class.
Check out what's happening at the community college.
Join a theater group or a community organization.
Volunteer more time than you think you have.
Get your hair done.
Buy yourself some new clothes.
Consider a new job, or a promotion, or starting a business.
Write poetry about Springtime.
Express your art.
Call your mother and your sister and don't talk about him.
Learn a new language.
Buy a new vibrator.
Go on a road trip alone or with friends.
Cook yourself amazing meals.
Redecorate your bedroom.
If your relationship is failing and you don't know what to do make your happiness elsewhere. That does not mean you have to leave. It simply means you choose to live.
Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.
Posted on 04/13/2017 at 01:26:00 PM