Sarah had three beautiful kids and a husband who loved her. She’d been married for seven years, and everything was really good in her life and family. However, something didn’t feel right deep in her soul. Sarah didn’t feel a lot of passion for much of anything, especially her husband. She knew she loved him, but maybe she wasn’t, in love with him anymore.
She felt bored and listless. When Sarah looked around at her life, with everything she ever thought she wanted, she wondered every day if this was it, because it didn’t feel like enough. So, she poured more energy into her kids and family hoping it would feel better. It didn’t.
Sarah knew something was wrong and she eventually decided it had to be her marriage. What else could it be?
So, when Sarah started spending time with a new co-worker, and he started flirting with her, she found herself very tempted to have an affair. Feeling guilty felt better than feeling nothing, and before she knew it, her husband found out she was sleeping with another man and her marriage of seven years was over.
Sarah didn’t skip a beat. In some ways, she was relieved. There was a lot of pain and drama, but she was ready to start over with a man she felt passionate about.
Six months later, in her new relationship, Sarah woke up to a familiar feeling.
And she realized she’d thrown her entire life away trying to escape something she brought with her into her new life. When she burned down her marriage, she took herself with her when she escaped.
Ellen was an attorney. She’d worked very hard to make partner. She was really good at what she did. However, her sister Eva was traveling the world working with an aid organization, and Ellen was secretly jealous. Everything Eva did looked so interesting, Ellen wanted what she was having.
Ellen lived in a fancy condo with a beautiful city view. She went to all the best parties and dated handsome and interesting men. Most women would have traded places with Ellen in a red hot minute, but she was bored. She wanted more and had no idea exactly what that meant.
So she poured even more of herself into her work. Ellen worked sixty hours a week at the office and 15 more at home. Ellen tried to ignore that nagging feeling she didn’t love herself or her life. She took cases she shouldn’t have. In one of those cases, she made a decision she knew was risky, but she thought she would never get caught.
She did. The State Bar Association suspended her license to practice for six months.
Ellen was devastated and relieved. And even with all that free time to do whatever she wanted, she was still bored to death with herself.
I’ve seen this more times than I can count in my practice. Honestly, I’ve been guilty of it in my life. Women have a tendency to invest way too much energy in things outside themselves and end up feeling chronically unsatisfied and unfulfilled.
So they look around their lives and try to figure out what or who to blame. They blame their career, or marriage, or something and decide to change it up. They flush their lives down the drain trying to feel something more rather than investing in themselves so they can attract more.
The hard truth to hear is this:
If you’re bored, it might be because you’re boring. It might not be your job, marriage, or life that needs an upgrade. It might be you.
You should probably be investing as much or more time, energy, and attention in yourself as you invest in the other aspects of your life. Most women don’t come anywhere close. A lot of women don’t invest in themselves at all. That is a formula for the kind of dissatisfaction that will drive a woman to do things in her life that are very expensive.
Any investment you make in yourself is a bargain in comparison.
If you find yourself longing for something more, or something else, before you decide to upgrade your life, try upgrading yourself first.
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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.