How to Create a Life You Don't Love in Ten Simple Steps

Fighting to be right is a sure-fire way to push people away while failing to prove to yourself you are superior. No one is ever all that interested in someone who can't just let things go until everyone acknowledges their rightness. This is why the "I need you to understand I'm right before we move on" approach is a ride or die path to disconnection and longterm isolation. 

Prioritizing other people's needs until you have nothing left to give is a pro-level way to end up exhausting yourself nearly to death and emotionally bankrupt. Suppose you tell yourself long enough that you can make yourself abandonment-proof by taking responsibility for everyone else. In that case, you will keep yourself too busy taking responsibility for everyone else to pursue your own dreams. That kind of regret doesn't look good on anyone. 

Let's face it, if it fails, you can blame someone else. It was their plan, right? If you commit to someone else's version what's best for you long enough, you might get lucky and actually forget you ever had dreams of your own. Keep telling yourself that having a life purpose is the stuff fairytales are made of, kind of like finding your soulmate. Running after those farfetched sorts of things might mean you'd disappoint other people. Even worse, you might put yourself at risk for failing at something that matters to you. Investing in your own genius and telling your own story is too risky. 

If you tell someone what your boundaries are you should 100% put the responsibility of keeping those boundaries in place on them. Don't even pretend you have the backbone to stand up for yourself. Don't hold yourself accountable. Just let the resentments pile up silently while other people walk all over you. This is how you develop trust issues. That's important because without trust you will never have to worry about intimacy. You will create a habit of letting many people in your life while still feeling completely alone. 

6.  Give up after your first fail.  

I mean, you tried once. That should be enough to prove you aren't good enough. Almost no one walks away with the big prize after the first try, but let's face it, failing is hard. So, if you gave it a shot and it didn't go your way, that's going to feel bad. You definitely shouldn't do hard things that make you feel bad. Keep telling yourself if it's not easy, it isn't aligned. When you review all the times you didn't get what you want in life, remind yourself you tried really hard once and blame someone else.  

7.  Define yourself by your past outcomes. 

Never ever forget you will never ever be better than your worst moment. Once a failure always a failure because the past is the best predictor of the future. Dr. Phil says so. Do not cut yourself a break for anything. Just accept the fact that things don't get better for you. If it sucks now, you are better off using your energy to surrender where you are than trying to do better. You know the adage, "No one ever really changes." That's why things mostly stay the same for you. It's normal. Why fight it? 

It is nearly impossible to focus on where you want to go when the world around you is a shit show. So, why try? You might be safer if you keep your attention on what's going wrong than if you let your mind wander off to things like solutions or possibilities. Give yourself a steady diet of things that freak you out to ensure that you're not letting your brain get off in flights of fancy or inspiration. There are real threats right now. Perseverate on those threats so you can pretend you're doing something to stay safe AND for sure focus hard on all the reasons you're probably going to fail. That way, you won't be surprised when it happens. 

9.  Ignore your intuition.  

Inner-guidance is nonsense, and instincts are for wild animals. You should always stay on course by ignoring any gut feelings or internal nudges. Other people are usually smarter anyway. You should listen to them. You don't want to be cocky. If you listen to your intuition, it might lead you in the direction of your dreams. We all know that stuff is too risky. You're better off leaning heavily into your intellect. Once you start listening to your gut you might start hearing from your heart occasionally. This should be avoided at all costs. 

10.  Deny yourself time to rest and/or heal.  

For the love of God and all things holy, press on. You do not want to slow yourself down long enough to feel any of your scary feelings. Additionally, you can prove how steely you are to other people by moving on when you really should be flat on your back or down on your knees. Denying yourself time to rest is an excellent way to glean external validation for your perceived strength. If you don't give yourself time to heal, you're more likely to repeat past mistakes. This will provide you all kinds of reasons to prove you were right on your theory about how your past always foreshadows your future.