What to do When Everything Falls Apart Spectacularly

I have a friend, we'll call her Julie. Julie spent a year, twelve full months working on getting a job at a company she'd wanted for a very long time. She'd had her eye on this company since she finished her masters, but they never seemed to have the "right" position for her. So, in a bold moment fueled by a bottle of wine, she decided to make it happen anyway.

Julie did everything right. She visualized. She talked to people who worked at the magical dream company and networked. She started dressing like they did, eating at places they went for lunch, and picking up the company language and culture. She watched for job notices and got a new friend of hers she'd met at lunch to forward her the internal hiring memos.

Six months passed and there was still nothing. So, Julie did what any bold, make it happen woman would do. She created a job description for her dream position and wrote up a proposal. She fueled it with all her good vibes, got her mom to pray over it, and sent it to the department head where she wanted to work.

And it happened. Three days later, Julie was sitting at her desk and got a call from a number she didn't recognize. It was James from human resources saying Meridith, the woman she'd emailed, wanted to meet with her. Three weeks later, Julie had a new desk, new title, working for the company she'd dreamed of working for, in a position she'd created for herself.

It was amazing. She loved it.

Fast forward five months - Julie walked into work, all smiles on a Monday morning, and before she could sit down her assistant met her with coffee and asked, "Have you seen the email with the internal notice???"

The company had been sold over the weekend. No one had any idea it was for sale. Everyone was in shock. Less than half of the employees kept their jobs. Neither Julie or her team were on that list. People who'd been there for less than six months got no severance benefits.

And just like that - the dream died quietly without a party. Julie didn't even qualify for unemployment. Three weeks later she walked out to the new car she'd purchased a month before with a box of her things. She sat in the car wondering how she was going to make the payment and cried.

She'd done everything right and it had worked. How did things go so terribly fucking wrong???

Some would say that's just life, right? However, for someone who believes she creates her own reality, nothing added up. This wasn't a near miss. She'd created what she wanted. Now she was left out on a very fragile limb in a position that seemed way worse than if she hadn't taken a risk and been so damn bold.

So, we uncorked another bottle of wine and tried to piece together a plan to make something out of nothing in the wreckage of a seemingly backfired dream.

1. Make your feel-good the first priority.

If you find yourself in a what the fuck just happened situation, nothing matters more than getting yourself happy. While that might seem like a tall, if not impossible order, it's mission critical for a number of reasons.

Research shows happy people make better decisions.
Happy people are more likely to take action, even risks.
Happy sends a vibrational instruction into the multiverse that draws in more feel-good experiences. Happy is very magnetic.

Julie did something most people would have called irresponsible. She promptly booked a vacation to Cancun and put it on plastic. She invited her new unemployed assistant. The had a blast. When she got home, she was still unemployed, but the shell shock had worn off much more quickly than it would have otherwise. She was in a pretty good headspace to move forward.

2. Self-care is everything.

We typically do just enough self-care to stay emotionally and physically healthy when everything is running status quo. However, when the shit hits the fan, our bodies and our souls need more. Transition requires a lot of energy. Uncertainty is an energy drain of epic proportions.

So, if the going just got rough, you probably need to double or triple your self-care at a time when most people want to do nothing but binge on Netflix or hide under the bed.

Julie joined a meditation group and found an accountability partner there. She also started getting out for walks at a nearby wildlife reserve daily. She had plenty of time to make herself really healthy and delicious meals and recommitted to being vegan. For the first time in years, she started getting more than seven hours of sleep a night.

3. Reconnect to the energy of what you wanted.

Maybe the things didn't work out the way you thought they would. However, that doesn't mean you can't get what you thought you wanted. Just because you hit a snag doesn't mean it's not happening.

Spend time visualizing our desired outcome. Think about the feelings you wanted to experience from getting that shiny thing you want that's currently showing up like a shit bomb. Make a list of what you wanted to feel and start mining your days for as many ways as possible to feel those things daily.

There are a number of reasons a creation/dream might take a sharp turn south. However, if you find yourself in the midst of putting out figurative fires, now is not the time to do the post-game rehash of what might have landed you there. The only thing that matters is that you get dialed down on what you want, the essence of what you want, and camp out there fulltime.

Julie wanted to feel successful. She wanted to feel a sense of contribution using her unique skills. Julie wanted to be challenged and engaged. So, she made herself a daily to-do list that activated those feelings. She did some volunteer work putting together a benefit for her sister's non-profit. She started training for a marathon. She forced herself to dress like a "successful" woman every day rather than regressing to yoga pants and a teeshirt.

4. Get support - and by support, I mean support that keeps you pointed where you want to be.

Enlists the troops. You know, the friends who are good listeners but don't let you wallow. Get professional support if you need it. The unexpected transition is the perfect time for a coach - or coaches. Take time to be alone if you feel like you need it, but don't isolate.

A large group of folks from her former company who'd also lost their jobs started getting together weekly for "support". Julie went a couple of times but she didn't like the vibe. Instead, Julie scheduled regular coffee dates with her sister. Her sister was a fucking ray of sunshine even when Julie was feeling really damn defeated. She started working with a copywriter to help her create the world's best resume. She started going hiking weekly with her new meditation accountability partner to talk about a book they were both reading about creating a life with purpose.

5. Take action - however, make sure it's inspired action.

When something you wanted doesn't work it's easy to feel like you've got to fix it. It's easy to start doing, doing, doing the kinds of things you think you should do. Resist the urge to jump into action just for action sake.

Give yourself all the time and space you need to hear and feel your inspiration. When that little voice whispers, or even yells no matter how unexpected the nudge might be, follow it. You will probably find yourself in some unexpected places and that's probably exactly where you should be.

Julie was disciplined about following those nudges. That's why she hired a copywriter instead of a career coach. Although she didn't have income, Julie resisted the urge to start applying for new jobs right away, even though there was a lot of pressure to do just that. She gave herself six weeks to regroup. She found herself inspired to take an Italian language class and take up ariel yoga.


So, fast forward six months again. Julie and I had a conversation over tea where I was complaining about my anxiety because my house has been for sale with no bites for too long. I have no idea why this is happening. It doesn't make sense. She promptly pulled out her tablet and forwarded me the email with the above list we'd created for her months ago.

And I'm in no position to argue with the wisdom of that list. Julie didn't have a lot of time to linger over tea because she had to get back to work. Six weeks and two days after Julie walked out of her former office and sobbed in her car, Julie got a call from Meridith, the woman who'd hired her originally.

Julie is now back at her dream job with a bigger office and salary. After the dust settled they realized Julie's pilot program was going to be profitable. Her upgraded position included some travel, first stop was two weeks in Rome working with a creative team. And by the way, she's engaged to her meditation partner.

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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.