Black-Belt Level Relationship Kung Fu


By: Lisa Hayes

Remember about a decade ago when Oprah said that keeping a Gratitude Journal transformed her life? Yeah, I do too. We all ran out and bought shiny new journals with inspirational sayings on them and started logging all the beauty in our lives. Not too surprisingly, millions of women started seeing more beauty and fabulousness in their lives. When I say the words Gratitude Journal, I never have to explain it. Everyone knows what it is, and most women either keep one or say something like, “I really liked doing that. I should get back to it.”

Gratitude is one of the most powerful manifesting tools in anyone’s toolbox.

It works, it’s easy to understand, and easy to implement. In Kung fu terms, basic gratitude is what I might consider a yellow-belt tool.

However, there’s a black belt level gratitude practice that only pro-level manifestors use regularly. That’s pre-thanks. I once read that a prayer warrior asks for something once and then immediately says thank you one thousand times. A warrior knows to express gratitude in mass, way before the answer to their prayer shows up in a box with a bow. A black-belt level manifestor knows it’s the certainty of gratitude that primes the pump of alignment.


This works like a charm with the field of infinite possibilities, and it will work like a charm with your husband, boyfriend, boss, or anyone else too. Pre-thanking is a black-belt relationship skill that very few people put to work because it feels awkward and fake, and maybe even manipulative. However, it’s pro-skill because it requires focus and it works.

I was recently talking to a friend who was complaining about how her boyfriend wouldn’t help out with the housework. It was putting a serious buzz kill on her joy for living with her love. She longed for the days when she lived in her neat and tidy apartment by herself and only had to pick up after Pickles, her cat, and her own neat freak self. Now she found herself doing all the dishes, picking up smelly man socks, and cleaning the bathroom twice as often, alone.

I suggest she start thanking him every day for all the help he gave her, for all the chores he’s getting done, and for all the support.

She looked at me like I had a fork coming out of my forehead.

“I can’t do that with a straight face. He’ll think I’m being a sarcastic bitch, because I would probably sound like one.”

I suggested she practice her acting skills, pretend to be nice, and do it anyway.
She reported 24 hours later it wasn’t working.

I suggest she keep doing it.
Three weeks later she reported she was living with a new fully domesticated man. Shocked and amazed she was planning to try the same thing by pre-thanking him for being so romantic.

I don’t have have to wonder what will happen. I see lots of bubble baths for two and candle lit dinners in her future.

I know it works. And in case you’re wondering, it’s not manipulative. It’s a generous act of seeing someone the way you want to see them. The Kung fu is strong is a woman who can get the chores done without nagging a man she loves. Pre-thanking is a powerful, non-confrontational way of getting anything done.

So here’s your experiment:

Pick one thing you’d like to be seeing differently in any relationship.

Start pre-thanking like a boss, regularly, every day.

Look for early evidence of the miracle you’re creating, but don’t get discouraged.
Rinse and repeat for 21 days, or better yet forever.

When you’re finished, award yourself a black belt in Relationship Kung Fu and celebrate.


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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

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