Players, How and Why to Avoid Them


Brad and Katie met at the grocery store in the produce section. She noticed him glancing her way and she couldn’t help but blush and smile. Luckily for Brad, there was a coffee shop in the store and when he asked her if she’d like to get a latte, even though she was running late, Katie of course, said yes.

Before they left the checkout line at Whole Foods Brad knew more about Katie than many of her friends. He was so easy to talk to. They had a lot in common. When he asked for her number, she didn’t hesitate and as she walked to her car she prayed he’d call.

He did.

On their first date, he took her sailing. There was no wind. So, they anchored up in the middle of the lake, and he read her poetry for hours. They drank a bottle of wine with fresh strawberries and cheese. Despite the fact that she didn’t get home until almost 2 a.m. he never even made a move on her. Not even a kiss.

On their second that changed and it was on. It was a hot and passionate romance for 21 glorious days. Then as fast as it started, it was over. He called her and told her he felt like they weren’t on the same page and maybe things were moving too fast. Rather than slowing the train down, he felt like they needed to call it quits.

Three months later she saw him again in the coffee shop at Whole Foods. He was with another woman. Brad was thrilled to see Katie. He introduced her to his friend. He gave her a huge hug. She wanted to crawl under a table.

Brad is a player.

Katie wasn’t stupid to fall for it. However, she won’t do it again, and you don’t have to either.

You are at a party, or a bar, or a grocery store, and you see this guy. He’s got that something that makes him instantly interesting. He’s good looking, well dressed, and you know if you got close enough to him, he would smell good.

And you’re right, because you do get close enough to him. He smells like the perfect blend of the fragrance for men department at Nordstrom’s, and a hike in the woods. He’s also charming, and witty, and he seems to be into you. Within five minutes of casual chit chat, you are sort of smitten. You feel a connection to him. He seems to be interested in all the things you are. He gets your number. You feel like you hit the man lottery AND you feel a little unsteady and uncertain all at the same time.

Players have mad player skills. They know every pro trick in the book. They know how to attract female attention and they know what to do with it. They have a gift for developing rapport. The player has developed the skills that make them a little or a lot better on the playing field than the average guy. They aren’t afraid of talking to women because they are good at it. This guy might not really be the best-looking guy in the room, but if he isn’t, you won’t notice the best-looking guy because the player is getting all the attention. He has a strong masculine presence and he’s confident.

Now don’t get me wrong. Not all super charismatic guys are bad news. They aren’t all looking to get laid and move on. However, if they do have those motivations, they will be successful at the game because they know what to do and say to get, keep, and play with a woman’s attention.

These guys break a lot of hearts. A lot of women fall for this guy over and over again and they start to think all men are dogs when that couldn’t be further from the truth.

If you’re looking for a serious commitment, you might want to avoid that guy and look for the other guy.
The nice guy isn’t as smooth. He probably isn’t working the room. He doesn’t see every trip to Whole Foods as a fishing expedition. The nice guy is highly unlikely to ask you for your number or even buy you a drink on the first meeting. This is why the nice guy is more likely to get missed. He’s not aggressive.

This might be the quiet guy in the corner or the man who’s hanging with his friends watching the game. If you pay attention to him long enough, you’ll notice the people around him really like him. If you find him in the grocery store, he’s probably buying things for someone else, because he likes to take care of people.

However, this guy has follow through. If he gets in the game, he’s going to do what he says he will. He shows up. He is courteous and prompt. You know you’ve landed the right guy if you feel certain in your relationship. Where the first string player likes to keep you a little unsteady, the nice guy will do everything he can to make you feel loved.

Here’s an interesting tid bit. Often the player develops his skills because he isn’t the best looking or the best catch. More times than not the nice guy is extremely handsome and has a lot of things going for him, the average player with game does not. Nice guy is often a better catch for a number of reasons. He’s just not as smooth or flashy.

If you want to attract a nice guy you have to play the field a little differently.
First of all you have to look beyond the guy who’s got mad skills. You want to look for the man you didn’t notice right off the bat. Look around the parameters, not at the guy who’s in the center of the action.

Players know how to drum up the chemistry so you have to question it, especially if that man seems to have made chemistry with everyone he meets. That’s not always a bad thing, but real chemistry that stands the test of time is very fickle. You don’t have that with everyone. Never confuse chemistry with intuition. A lot of women go wrong there. Hormones aren’t a nudge from the Universe. They are a chemical reaction that may or may not mean anything.

Secondly, you have to be willing to break the ice with some flirting yourself and maybe more than you are normally comfortable with. Nice guys are less likely to notice when a woman is into them. In fact, sometimes they are oblivious.However, once they figure it out, they are man enough to lead if you want them to.

Approach this man like a lady. He’s not looking for a quickie or a one night stand. Although he will appreciate your cleavage he won’t date you for it. So simply batting your eyelashes won’t cut it with this kind of man. You’re going to have to lead with wit and smarts. He’s planning on spending some time with you, he doesn’t want to get bored.

The bottom line is, you aren’t looking for the diamond in the rough or the fix itproject. However, you also might want to avoid the guy who’s got crazy game also. You’re looking for the guy in the middle who has his act together but isn’t flaunting it. The good news is because that guy often gets overlooked, there are a lot a really nice, handsome, awesome guys on the market waiting for you to notice them.


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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.


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