If you want to have more peace and energy in your life, learn to validate your own damn self.

There’s a truth we’ve been hiding from ourselves for far too long. We’ve been taught—conditioned, really—to seek approval from everyone but ourselves. From the time we were little girls, we learned to look outside for validation, to measure our worth by the way the world reacts to us. We learned to make ourselves small or shiny, depending on what kept us safe and accepted.

But here’s the thing: validation from others is a cheap substitute for the real thing. It’s fleeting, unreliable, and dependent on forces outside of your control. You will always be emotionally vulnerable when you are using external validation as a dopamine source.

The world has its own agenda for you, and if you keep chasing its approval, you will spend your life running in circles, always a few steps away from feeling whole.

The truth is, no one can validate you but you. And that’s where your power lies. Cultivating your own validation is not just an act of self-love—it’s an act of rebellion. It’s about reclaiming what has always been yours: the right to see yourself, to know yourself, and to honor yourself without needing anyone else’s permission.

Why is this so important?

1. The world will always have opinions, but they are not truths.
We live in a world that will always have something to say about who you are, what you do, and how you live. The praise will come one minute and disappear the next. The criticism will show up when you least expect it, and it’ll try to take root in your soul. But here’s the hard truth: what they say is not truth. Their opinions are reflections of their own stories, their own wounds, and their own insecurities. If you live for their approval, you live on shifting ground. But when you validate yourself, you build a foundation that no one can tear down.

2. You’re the only one who knows your whole story.
No one else has walked in your shoes. No one has lived through your battles, your triumphs, or your silent moments of heartbreak. They see fragments of you and think they know the whole picture, but they don’t. You’re the only one who knows the fullness of who you are. You’re the only one who can look at your reflection and say, “I am enough,” because you know what you’ve survived, how far you’ve come, and what you stand for.

3. Seeking external validation keeps you trapped.
The second you start relying on the approval of others, you hand over your power. You become a performer, dancing to the tune of what others expect, hoping for that next hit of praise. It’s addictive. But the problem is, their approval is a moving target. What they love you for today, they might hate you for tomorrow. You can’t keep up. And while you’re running, you’re losing touch with your own truth. Cultivating your own validation breaks those chains. It frees you from needing anything from anyone outside of yourself.

4. Self-validation is the foundation of radical self-acceptance.
Here’s the reality: the world is not always kind to women who love themselves. We’ve been taught that our worth lies in what we do for others, in how desirable, how useful, how pleasing we are. But validating yourself is a feminist act. It’s an act of radical self-acceptance that says, “I don’t need to be anything other than who I am.” When you validate yourself, you stop performing. You stop apologizing. You start living fully and unapologetically in your own skin.

5. It’s how you stop waiting and start living.
We spend so much time waiting for someone else to tell us we’re good enough, smart enough, worthy enough. We wait for the world to hand us permission to be who we already are. But when you validate yourself, the waiting game is over. You stop seeking outside approval, and you start stepping fully into the life you want. You start living for you.

Cultivating your own validation means reclaiming the power you were always meant to have. It means looking in the mirror and knowing, without a doubt, that you are enough, regardless of what the world says. You get to be the author of your own worth. You get to decide that you are worthy of love, respect, and joy—not because someone else said so, but because you did.

The world will keep spinning, opinions will keep flying, and people will keep projecting their insecurities onto you. But when you’re grounded in your own validation, none of that can touch you. You become untouchable, unshakable. You become you, fully and unapologetically, without waiting for anyone else to approve.

And that’s the kind of freedom they don’t want you to find. But it’s yours for the taking.

Sometimes, getting that freedom is a lot easier with some support, and I am very good at holding bold and brilliant women as they explore a path to sovereignty.

I want to dive into the thoughts that keep you up at night—the dreams you’re afraid to chase, the fears that whisper in the dark. Let’s talk about the woman you were before life dimmed your shine, and how we can bring her back to life. I’m not here to fix you, because you’re not broken. I’m here to help you remember your power, fall in love with yourself, and create a life that feels like yours again.



If you'd like to explore coaching, this is a good place to start: www.lisamhayes.com.
You can also check out www.thecoachingguild.com if you're interested in training to become a coach and want to do it on your own terms.