Lately, I’ve been referring to them as my rabid dating years. There was a period in my life when not having a man on deck was an unacceptable possibility. So, I did not let the other side of the bed get cold for very long.
I dated a couple of real doozies. In fact, I had relationships with a couple of men that I shouldn’t have even gone on a first date with. However, the reality of my rabid dating years was, a lot of the men I spent time with were quality humans doing good things with their lives.
My problem was I either wasn’t attracted to the quality candidates that crossed my path or for reasons that are pretty clear to me now, they weren’t attracted to me.
When we were in the market for our house, we got early notice from our realtor that it was about to be on the market. We saw it on a Saturday. It was listed on Monday morning. We got our bid in before noon that Monday, however, before it was over, there was a bidding war on this property. The ironic thing about that is, nine months before this house had been listed for $15K less and no one looked at it twice.
“Sometimes you have to take a house off the market so you can do some work and put it back out there when it’s real value can shine through.”, our agent explained. “When a house stays listed for too long, it starts to lose value in the eyes of buyers and seller, and the owners lose confidence in what they’re offering. During that nine months the house wasn’t for sale, it got a fresh coat of paint, some upgrades, and the sellers had an opportunity to get confident in what it was worth again.”
Dating is not all that different. Sometimes you’ve just got to pull the goods off the market, and do some updates. Usually, those upgrades come in the form of updating some thoughts. Dating detox is a real thing and it’s not that hard. Once you get pointed back in the direction of feeling good about what you have to offer, getting there is comes easy. Feel good thoughts are easier than feel bad thoughts, on any subject. You just have to find them and practice them until they become a habit.
Three Signs You Need Dating Detox
1. You know it might be time to take yourself off the market when the thought of dating feels icky, hard or hopeless. You’re doing it, but you’re not having fun with it. It’s hard work. Unhappy journeys rarely yield the happy endings we are looking for. If the energy you’re bringing to your dating party is heavy and hard, that is not the kind of energy you want to be flowing when you attract a partner.
2. You know it might be time to take yourself off the market when you don’t believe what you’re trying to attract is real or possible for you. If you think all the good ones are gone, you will prove yourself right. If you think you aren’t worthy of what you want to attract, you’ll prove yourself right. All we ever do in life is prove to ourselves over and over again what we believe to be true. If your beliefs about what’s possible aren’t serving you, you might want to take a break and upgrade what you’re thinking.
3. You know it might be time to take yourself off the market when you are looking for someone else to make you feel something that’s missing. If you want someone to make you feel loved, alive, excited, or happy, you’re trying to outsource your feel good. That is risky territory. If you are looking for someone to complete you, good luck with that, because that isn’t the way things really work. Take some time to fill your own gaps. You’ll come to dating from a much more powerful place.
How to Do a Dating Detox
1. Get really honest with yourself and take a good long look at your patterns. You might even enlist the help of a trusted loved one for this process. You can’t learn from the lessons you don’t see. You are the common denominator in all your relationships. So, you need to figure out how you contribute to all of your outcomes.
2. Double or triple down on your self-care. Self-care directly equates to energy. During a dating detox you need energy to heal, and energy to grow. If you’re in a dating detox, chances are high you’re more energy depleted than you want to admit. If you need help putting together a working, measurable self-care plan, check this out.
3. Date yourself. Treat yourself the way you want someone else to treat you. Take yourself on all those adventures you’ve been putting off until… Learn to set the standard for what you’re worth by giving yourself all the things you deserve, now, not later. Make the decision to rock your single life, not so you can find a man or woman. Do it so you develop the habits that make you shine no matter what.
If you’re dating results are less than stellar, why not consider a dating detox? A few days, weeks, or even months could save you years of heartbreak and disappointment and put you in a much stronger position to attract happily-ever-after.
If you want more help finding the love of your life, check out Score Your Soulmate.
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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.
Posted on 02/12/2016 at 12:00:00 AM