I recently had a phone call with an “expert” selling a product that “guarantees” if you follow their formula you can get your ex back. After reading the e-version of the book I was curious what they were planning to do when their plan didn’t work – what’s in the guarantee? Are they going to refund the purchase price and your dignity too? I certainly hope so.
I get a lot of coaching inquiries from people who want their boyfriend, lover, or husband who has left back. I always say the same thing. No you don’t and even if you do you certainly don’t want to act like it. Men leave and relationships end. Hindsight almost always reveals it was for the best. That said, for the forlorn and broken-hearted that is little consolation. Desperate jilted lovers will often go to any extreme to get that man back. It almost always backfires. If not immediately, certainly sooner then eventually.
My advice? Do absolutely nothing but take uber-extreme care of yourself. Most importantly not a thing that involves the Ex. Nothing. Nada. Zip.
Joint finances like the next car payment to talk about – he can talk to the attorney.
Things at his apartment to pick up – trust me your best friend will be more than happy to do it.
Kids he wants to visit – he can meet Jr and your mother at the door.
Now, I’m going to be honest. Statistics are not in your favor after a man ends a relationship. Few wild romances are rekindled. There is no “formula that is guaranteed” to get your ex back. That said if it’s going to happen, it’s not because you begged, pleaded or bargained. It’s because he actually figured out he didn’t like his life without you – because he actually was without you.
When you disappear without a trace, and most importantly without a fight, at the very least he’ll be confused. He expects you to fall apart and carry on, and with good reason, almost all women do.
When he drops the bomb, some version of, “it’s not you, it’s me” or “I just need a little space”, get out of dodge. Head for the hills, or the mall, or the spa, or your sister's house. Delete his phone number from your speed dial and don’t return his emails. Period.
After the first week without a trace of you, he’ll assume you are too devastated to talk. After the second week, he’ll grow a little uneasy that maybe you weren’t as into him as he thought. After the third week, he’ll wonder what kind of fabulous life you’re having without him.
Key to success is, start having a fabulous life – even if you have fake it. After four weeks, get your profile up on Match.com. I can almost promise he’ll see it. More importantly, so will all those other fabulous men wondering about your fabulous life.
Final word of advice. If at any point in this process he does anything less then grovel back and beg for forgiveness it’s not good enough. No just calling to catch up or “how about coffee?”. If he does grovel, think long and hard before you give up your fabulous new life to return to the old. The new you, just might not want to be that into him.
Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.
Posted on 10/28/2009 at 12:00:00 AM