For the next few Fridays, I am going to do a series about what to do this weekend to make your relationship better. This series is intended to inspire you to notice and nurture your relationship in healthy and positive ways, rather than only responding when you’re in crisis. Small changes can make a big difference, and there’s no time like this weekend to give your love life, a little extra love.
Every so often in my relationship, this conversation comes up. To be fair, it usually comes up around the time of the time of the month I’m PMSing. It’s certainly not every month, but it’s more than a couple of times a year. It’s the conversation where I tell my husband I feel our relationship is in a rut.
For the record, my husband is really good at being married. He doesn’t let the little things slip. He was an absolutely hero the entire week of Valentine’s Day. That said, it doesn’t change the fact that the sameness of day in and day out starts to feel stale eventually no matter how awesome that sameness is.
It’s almost impossible to be married and not fall into ruts. Routine is what keeps families on track. Anyone with children knows how important routine schedules are. Work schedules, school schedules, and daily duties rule the day. Even things you love become ordinary and lose their shine and that’s not really a bad thing. However, what is a bad thing is that in the ordinary stuff of life, romance is a casualty.
Now a lot of women would look at my life and mock me for saying lack of romance is a problem. Like I said, my husband is really good at the kinds of romantic gestures that matter. However, what I crave is couple time. I crave the kind of time that reminds me we’re not just spouses, we’re also lovers. I crave the kinds of experiences that only we share.
Couples need couple time. Date night might sound cliche, but it’s like oxygen for a relationship. Any discussion about keeping love alive has to start and end with alone time. However, alone isn’t enough, because let’s face it, most of us actually get alone time, maybe not enough, but we get it. There is a distinct difference between the kind of alone time you spend together on the sofa watching TV and the kind of alone time you have together listening to great music and enjoying a dinner together focused on each other.
An afternoon drive.
A bubble bath together.
A quiet walk holding hands.
You can, in fact, have a candlelight dinner alone after the kids go to bed.
These things don’t have to cost money. They just have to be planned and be a priority. The most important ingredient is intention. It’s the intention to focus on each other and experience each other as a couple. Put together something that takes some effort because the payoff is huge. The energy you invest in your relationship sustains you, not just as a couple, but personally. Doing something special for that someone special is actually a selfish act.
Your mission for this weekend if you chose to accept it, is to plan some time where you experience each other as lovers, which may or may not actually making love. It doesn’t have to be a traditional date night. However, it needs to be specific and special. Remember investing in your relationship is a lot more enjoyable when you’re doing it to keep your relationship healthy than when you have to do it to get off the rocks. Spouses who quit being lovers become roommates.
I’d love for you to share your date night ideas in the comments below.
Sharing is sexy. If you liked this article, share, comment, or pass it on.
Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.
Posted on 02/03/2017 at 03:00:00 PM