Is it Just Cold Feet?


Dear Lisa,

My fiance and I got engaged in April. We are planning a Christmas wedding in Hawaii. We’ve been together for more than two years and all of our friends and family are thrilled we’ve decided to take the next step.

The problem is, the closer we get to the date of our wedding, the less thrill for it I’m feeling. I love my fiance, I really do, but this isn’t the way I imagined I’d feel being engaged. I have no real specific reason for having second thoughts. So, I’m wondering if this normal or if it's cold feet. Everyone goes through it right?”

Looking for answers,


Dear Sandi,

No. Not everyone goes through it.

Generally speaking, I would suggest it’s best not to get married unless you can’t possibly imagine doing anything else. Getting married should be something that feels so right, on every level, that it’s a foregone conclusion you will spend the rest of your life with that person, with or without a wedding.

More than any decision you make in your life, getting married needs to be a
“Hell Yes!”.

Your situation is not uncommon. You’ve been together for a while. People like seeing you together. It seems like the next obvious step in your life. Whether you’re hearing it from others or not, the pressure is on. You don’t really want to be without him. You certainly don’t want to start all over again after all this time. You’ve invested two years of your life here, so it makes sense to get married.

Except it doesn’t make sense if you aren’t certain clear to your bones.

Perfectly good relationships aren’t marriage material.
He might be a perfectly good man, but that doesn’t mean he has to be your husband.
You don’t need a relationship crisis to give you an excuse to say no.
If you aren’t as excited as you want to be, I’d listen to that message.
It doesn’t have to mean you won’t marry this man. It might just mean not now. However, whatever it is, don’t ignore the nudge that something is amiss.


*This letter has been shared with reader permission and names have been changed.


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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.

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