That might sound obvious, however, when the honeymoon phase of a relationship wears off, it’s not. Energy goes where attention flows, and what gets energy grows. That’s just the way the system is set up. In relationships, understanding the power of that system is a make it or break it thing.
I think we tend to underestimate our responsibility to see the best in our mates because what we focus on is what becomes. If we get focused on stupid irritating crap, we’re only cultivating more of that. You owe it to the person you love the most to see them in the most divine light possible.
It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give anyone and the personal payoff for that commitment is priceless.
My parents have a ritual of sitting down every Sunday morning to go through the bills and the checkbook. They discuss what needs to be paid and do it. Then they decide what’s left over for saving and spending. They do not miss a week. It keeps the line of communication open about a subject that can be a hot button issue for many couples They tackle the responsibilities and rewards as a team. They’ve been married 67 years. I think they’re onto something.
Every couple is different and how money flows between two people is very personal. However, designating a time, regularly to talk about it is a relationship saver. Marking it on the calendar makes it routine enough that it is no longer a hot-button issue.
It never ceases to amaze me how difficult it can be for two people who share a bed to talk about sex. Otherwise, sound relationships can fall to pieces over things they never talk about regarding sex.
The easiest way to improve your intimate life is to normalize the whole subject of sex by talking about it a lot more. That doesn’t mean you have to talk about trying to fix or improve your sex life all the time. It simply means that the subject of sexy is not taboo. In fact, it’s something that you freely and often discuss with your partner, seriously, and playfully, as often as possible.
When I see a married couple who’s been together for more than a couple of years who doesn’t still hold hands I know I’m looking at a couple who’s chances of staying happily married for the long haul are less than they could be.
Now some people might say they don’t touch because they are already not happy, and that may be the case. However, it’s kind of a chicken or the egg situation. Touch is incredibly important between lovers. A study was recently released that showed that a man in a committed relationship who hugs his mate every day will avoid other women he finds attractive. Touching releases Oxytocin, and Oxytocin is the bonding chemical. If you want a strong bond, touch has to extend beyond the bedroom, and it has to be consistent. It’s biology. In many ways, that kind of touch is what defines a couple, as just that, a couple.
How a couple manages conflict will determine how happy they are over time. I don’t care who you are, conflict happens, and if it’s not resolved you will be living in a seething sea of resentments.
They way many couples attempt to manage conflict is when it’s hot. They try to solve their problems when they are fighting about them. It will never work. Anger does not produce rational solutions. I’m not saying anger is a bad thing. It’s not. I’m simply saying it’s not a state of mind for fixing anything.
Agree to a game plan for resolving a conflict after the blowup. Preplan a designated amount of cool off time and then when calmer heads prevail, do the work of working out your issues then and only then.
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Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.
Posted on 05/27/2014 at 12:00:00 AM